Infecund
by CollinsJ
Summary: 'When you get married and have your kids….' Everyone assumes fertility. But you know, having a child is more than the meeting of sperm and egg. AU Rizzles tale.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey guys...I'm back with this story that wouldn't leave me. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles or make any money from this.**

* * *

_As Isaiah said, "Rejoice, O childless woman, you who have never given birth! Break into a joyful shout, you who have never been in labor! For the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband!"_

The past three days had been trying at the very least. Four bodies had been thoroughly autopsied, crime scenes rigorously scanned, and all evidence examined. Still they had nothing. But that evening, that warm spring evening when Maura walked into her house, the only thing she could really complain about was the stillness of the habitation. It was dark and oh so quiet. When she turned on the lights, everything was exactly where she'd left it. For years Maura had found such comfort in stability and routine, in uniformity and order. But now, it wasn't so appealing.

Looking at her upbringing, she had never once imagined that work would be far more preferable than being in the comfort of her own home. It was almost suffocating now. The irony of it. She lived in a two-story four-bedroomed house. How can that ever be suffocating? But she felt it anyway. She wanted to be at work. It's not as if to say she was an outgoing person. No. Quite the contrary actually. But what she cherished most about work was 'fading into the background'.

People didn't normally initiate conversation with her, unless it was absolutely necessary. But they also never hesitated to go on about their business. In the morgue, Maura could work while her assistants and the rest of the lab staff chattered and laughed around her.

That was enough for her.

It wasn't much different from her upbringing. She'd be obligated to go to functions which she found no joy in, but would right away fade into the crowd and lose herself in her mind or a book while everything else happened around her.

It had been roughly a year now, since being in Boston and working at the Boston Police Department. She liked it there – at work. It was her home she didn't like. The balcony that extended from her upstairs bedroom, the glittering pool it over looked, the nicely trimmed yard, the two spare empty bedrooms, the yoga room, the Mercedes she could see from her office window, the expensively equipped kitchen. She didn't like any of it all.

It was a reminder of her failures.

Her FAILURE!

She didn't bother turning anything on as she headed up to her bedroom. A shower was the first order of business. All day she'd felt it, the stomach cramping and abdominal aches. So it came as no surprise when she pulled her knickers off and immediately noticed the red spotting. Her period.

Yet another reminder of how useless she was. It had been about a year and a half since she stopped trying. And every month, just like clockwork, her period came. And even though it was supposed to, even though she wasn't supposed to feel anger and hurt anymore – she still did. It never got better. Not with time, and not with anything else. It pained her to the core, her inability to have children.

Infecund -

(of a woman or female animal) having low or zero fecundity; unable to bear children or young.

Yes, she knew that definition all too well.

Years ago, when she'd landed her first job as a medical examiner and her parents had briefly expressed their joy at her success, the elder Isles' had asked her what she'd like as a gift. That was about the same time that she'd seriously decided that she would like to have a family of her own. She was through with just about all her 'major' schooling. She had a job she wanted and at least the right stability for a family. She had decided she would like to get married and have three children. Being an only child, having one was out of the question. It sucked and she didn't want any child of hers going through it, regardless of how doting she would be. And being adopted, she didn't want to raise a child who would always question her affection or where they came from. Maybe illogical conclusions to other people's minds, but being in her own shoes, she understood her reasoning and where she was coming from.

The house she now lives in is that exact one her parents had given her as a congratulatory present. How lovely a present it had been at the time, when Maura had so vividly pictured her spouse and their children residing in it. Now, it taunted her. Reminds her daily of how unachievable her goals were.

The gift of reproduction, that women were gifted with – she wasn't.

Now as she takes her shower, the minute hint of red drains down as she finishes off her washing.

Less than an hour later she found herself in the comfort of her king-sized. Years ago, she held ephemeral phone conversations with a few friends, acquaintances, or lovers before bed. But now, she can't be bothered.

When Maura had started at BPD she had thought for a fleeting second that she could be friends with Jane. At learning that she would work with a female detective, Maura thought it an excellent opportunity to strike a friendship. The Medical Examiner had researched on female detectives and even spied on a few. General consensus showed the job was less 'family-friendly', so with Jane Rizzoli being the only female around, the chances that she would be married with children were really low. Maura didn't like such leaps of speculation, but hope clouded her judgement. And that hope went flying out the window on only the second day at the job.

_Perfect organisation had slipped her that afternoon. She'd forgotten to carry a bottle of water with her downstairs after lunch, so she had to dash to the precincts café to grab one. _

''_Settle down!'' she heard the lady who had been introduced to her as Angela Rizzoli bellow at two little girls. _

''_But Nana, she's sipping from my straw'' a girl, about six or seven Maura estimated, called back to Angela._

''_Your mother isn't going to be happy when she gets back here'' a warning from Angela came, a little lower this time. ''Just share it won't you?''_

''_She has her own drink!'' the girl announced, looked absolutely flabbergasted at the prospect of having to share._

''_Eva-Sienna Rizzoli, stop that this instant.'' The two girls promptly halted their bickering. Eva sunk back into her chair beside the other girl and started on her own drink. _

_Meanwhile, Maura was glued to her spot. It had been a while since being in such close proximity with children, her insides were twisting in knots and she was starting to feel some sweat accumulating in spots she didn't even want to mention to her mind. Yet for some reason, she just couldn't move and walk away. And it wasn't even about the water – she'd already forgotten about that. _

_It was the small girls. They were identical twins. Maura looked at them in awe, trying to spot all the minuscule differences between the two. From where she stood, there wasn't much she could pin-point to. Eva, as she had been called, was much rougher in how she handled herself and everything around her. She was jerky with her movements and loud and chatty. She appeared to be half playing a…..game, Maura presumed, on an Ipad, while her sister did some writing or colouring. Eva had her light brown hair in a ponytail, while her twin wore hers down. Because they had a uniform on, Catholic School Maura noted, their hairstyles were about the only way Maura could tell them apart. _

''_Here Kie, it's your turn,'' Eva passed the Ipad. Multi-tasking, Kie took the device and swiped around for about a minute before handing it back to her sister and resuming her writing._

''_Woah Kie, that's awesome,'' Eva exclaimed. She took a few seconds to catalogue whatever moves her sister had effortlessly made before taking her turn to play. _

_And THAT was EXACTLY what Maura would have given a left arm and a leg for – for two reasons. One – having a sister. She would have been just mildly lost with a little luck. Just as she'd witnessed, if Eva was never there, Kie would never indulge in computer games it seems. She appeared more at home with her writing and colouring than with swiping around on gadgets. But thankfully she has a sister to keep her up to date with 'pop-culture' – something Maura could have done with. Two – having children. Maura had imagined these moments, when she'd lean against a door and privately watch her children. A silent moment when she'd learn them and fall in love all over again. _

_But now they were stolen moments, with other people's children and sisters. _

_It was sad. _

''_Mama!'' they said in unison when Jane emerged. Not that Maura needed any confirmation. It was obvious they were Detective Rizzoli's children. They were not slim and slender and tall like Jane. Their hair was dark brown but boy did their faces look like just like Jane's. Same nose, eyes, and cheek bones. They most likely got their 'fleshy' disposition from their Grandma who seemed to be making sure they eat, and their brown hair was most likely from their father. _

''…_.can you believe it? Keira got to level eight. She doesn't even play the game most of the time,'' Eva rattled on. ''And I stole some sips from her drink,'' she chuckled unapologetically. _

''_I kept telling her to stop'' Keira, Maura learnt her full name was, said. _

_They chatted on, as Maura eventually backed away from the door. She'd had ONE conversation with Jane, and had no desire for anything more other than work henceforth. This was the sort of thing she ran away from. The last thing she wanted was befriending Jane and hearing all about her wonderful daughters and then being asked if she had kids, and why not, or whether she'd thought about. That was too painful a topic. She wouldn't willingly bring herself all that hurt. _

_Never! _

It was hard to get friends now. Hard for different reasons than it was in her younger days. Back in the day when she was young, people would shy away from her because she was too rich, too smart, too beautiful, or too weird. But now, well for the past five years, _she _is the one that runs for the hills at any potential friendships.

After the failed fertility treatments, Maura gave up all hope of her _own_ child. A sperm donor didn't work. Neither did an embryo or egg donor. IVF treatments took so much out of her. The screenings, and the diets, and the ovulation charts. It was all so emotionally draining. Three times, after using an embryo donor she had become pregnant, only to lose the foetus in three weeks at the longest. That was even worse than when there was no pregnancy at all.

The company of mothers absolutely _killed _her. She couldn't do it. The majority of people her age were falling pregnant and starting families. Those who wanted to, that is. Four years she'd tried, done everything she had been instructed – she was a doctor for goodness sake. But nothing worked. She didn't want to adopt, or foster, or go through surrogacy. She wanted to be pregnant, and feel the gift of life growing within her.

It wasn't meant for her it turned out.

And so she had locked herself up in her house for days. She'd wept endlessly, even prayed to the divine one. It was after a day she had broken down in the shopping mall after seeing a pregnant woman with three other children that she had called it quits. Life was too unfair. Other women got four while she couldn't even have one. So she had put an end to it and moved to Boston. Her body wasn't strong enough for all that treatment anymore, emotional strength had left her altogether.

She had accepted that she'd live a childless life, and would dissociate herself from all people with children, as illogical as it seemed. As it was so far, she was doing it anyway, and managing.

What she didn't know however, was that she would be faced with her worst fear soon – quite literally.


	2. Chapter 2

Maura only ever went to the Café in the building early in the morning for two reasons. One, no one was usually there. And the few individuals that would occasionally be there never took notice of her. They were mainly the cops who had worked the night shift and were a little more than eager to leave the precinct. Two, Angela Rizzoli was a great conversationalist.

The blonde had never intended on having any sort of relationship with Angela, the woman was loud….and of course, had children. But it came as a surprise to Maura; that Angela was so very accommodating. Once only had the elder woman gotten personal with Maura. After that conversation Maura had stopped going to the café, until the day she absolutely needed something to eat. And unlike the predictions she'd made, Angela merely stuck to general topics.

And it had been like that ever since that day. They spoke of the weather, Boston in general, work, the BPD, cooking, and a few other books they were both familiar with.

Angela might have been loud and nosy and generally unstoppable, but she was perceptive and considerate. She had, naturally, asked Maura if she was married or had children. Maura's answers had been clipped and pained- never really even answers - and they had never spoken of it since. It wasn't that Maura did not particularly want to share about her personal life, Angela had concluded. It was that there was so much pain that speaking about it was nothing short of self-inflicted torture. So to spare the woman, they just had general conversations, intentionally skirting around any heavy topics.

That morning when the medical examiner sauntered into the café, it was to find Angela on the verge of a breakdown.

''Is everything alright Angela?'' Maura asked as she briskly made her way to the small table where Angela was muttering to herself, pacing and crying.

Yes, they were on first name basis now.

''She's going to kill me one of these days'' came the defeated response.

''Who?'' Maura queried as she hesitantly placed a comforting hand to Angela's shoulder.

This was never her department. She was used to being on the receiving end of comfort, what with all those years of failed pregnancy, and lack thereof.

''Jane. She's been taken to hospital. Can you believe it?'' she gasped, wiping at the stream of tears. Frankie was taking too long for her liking. Waiting did nothing but surge her worries.

Maura _could _believe it. It honestly wasn't the first time that she'd heard of the detective being taken to hospital. Jane Rizzoli was a regular there apparently. Maura just hadn't ever had to be confronted with the task of comforting one of Jane's loved one's during those episodes.

''Is she alright? Do you know what happened to her?''

''Not the details'' Angela sniffed, throwing Maura a grateful smile. She was very fond of the blonde. ''I'm waiting for Frankie. He'll take me to the hospital to see what's happening. They said she wasn't conscious when she was taken away'' Her voice broke with each word.

''It's probably the initial shock from the unfortunate accident that happened. Is there anything I could do to help Angela, anything at all?'' Maura asked out of politeness, she was pretty damn sure there wasn't a thing that _she _could do.

But imagine the surprise, when Frankie walked in a second later, and Angela looked at Maura with suddenly bright eyes – pleading ones though.

''Ma, lets go'' Frankie said walking towards the two women. ''Morning'' he offered to Maura. They never talked. Frankie was too shy, and had a small crush on Maura. And he very clearly knew the medical examiner was WAY out of his league. Maura just hadn't the faintest idea what she'd ever say to him if they in fact _had _to converse.

Luckily, they were never faced with that problematic challenge.

''I don't…I don't know how long we'll be at the hospital. I know Frankie is working all day and Tommy….well, he's Tommy'' Angela paused. Maura was watching her with uncertainty, entirely unsure where the conversation was going – Frankie shared the same confusion. ''Jane was supposed to get the children today. They finish early, at one. If we aren't done, maybe you could….you know, just pick them up and bring them to the hospital''

''NO!'' Maura and Frankie said in unison – for different reasons. Children + Maura was a no no for the blonde. She wouldn't know where to begin and what to do with herself. And Frankie, he knew Jane would absolutely disapprove of a near stranger watching her kids. It just wouldn't do.

The two looked at each other, each wondering what the reason for the other saying no was.

''I couldn't Mrs Rizzoli'' Maura stated firmly, using formality to….she didn't know. Maybe it was an attempt to create boundaries and make sure Angela knew she couldn't force this on Maura.

''It's alright Dr. Isles'' Frankie assured, ''its only eight in the morning, we'll figure something out''

Angela knew, from experience, that they wouldn't be done by the time the children's bus got home.

''I don't wanna leave my Janie alone Frankie. And I don't know who will watch them when they are brought to the hospital'' Angela began to sob, already fearing the worst for her daughter. She had a reason to be scared. She knew when all of Jane's _issues _began, and her dangerous career only made things worse.

''Like I said Ma, we'll figure it out. Can we go now?'' he was starting to lose his patience.

* * *

Maura couldn't work that morning. She couldn't concentrate for more than ten minutes at a time. She wasn't anything of Jane's, but that didn't mean she wished her any harm. And Maura also cared deeply for Angela, and she had seen the anguish the woman held as she left for the hospital. And then Maura thought of what she'd done- immediately after offering her help she had declined the first opportunity to be of use to Angela. The woman hadn't asked for much. Only picking up two seven year olds and dropping them off at the hospital. That couldn't be so hard. Could it?

She would never know. Because she would never try. She _could not _do that to herself. A short while in those children's presence would be enough to throw her into a state of depression for the next week. She cared for Angela, but it was just too much the woman was asking for. Angela wouldn't know obviously, but it was too heavy a favour for Maura to partake it. She'd sooner stay and watch over Jane instead, while Angela herself took care of the children.

What did it matter anyway? She had already declined. And now guilt was eating at her. So she sat in her office, and made a phone call. One that she knew would always bring equilibrium to her.

Except today, she didn't get the answers she wished to hear.

''_When did you stop being a helpful person Maura?''_

She didn't miss the hint of judgement.

''That's not fair, and you know it'' she defended herself.

Who was she fooling?

''_She isn't asking you to babysit, just to bring the children to her so she doesn't have to leave her daughter. And what good is it doing you anyway. You are suffocating with guilt. And I know it's going to weigh on you for a long time''_

Maura sighed through the phone speaker. Her clock read 10:57 a.m, but she was exhausted already.

''_What if she leaves to go and get the kids and her daughter dies while she's away''_

''Don't say that!''

''_But you asked for my opinion on the matter, I'm just laying out the possibilities. Imagine if that happened. The guilt will drown you, knowing that you could have given that woman those last moments with her daughter if only you had just agreed to help out with this one task''_

''You know how hard this is on me''

''_You are the one who talks about immersion therapy. Why won't you take your own advice? This may be good for you''_

''I'll think about it. I have to go now''

''_Alright. I'll speak with you later'' and the line went dead._

It's odd how we always hate it when other people make sense of things we don't want them too.

Squaring her shoulders, Maura decided that she'd take Angela up on her offer if she called again to ask. Maybe it was just a ploy to make herself feel better – less guilty. But either way, that resolution helped her begin work, albeit very late.

And as her luck had it – not, Angela rang her a little after twelve, asking if she could pick the kids for her. Given Jane's development, or lack thereof, Angela asked if Maura could watch them at the house until Frankie was off duty at five and he'd get them. Because of the nature of things, taking the girls to the hospital was out of the question. Angela and Maura ironed out the details over the phone and left the blonde to her own devices. She trusted Maura. She knew the kids would be alright under her watchful and caring eye.

**Earlier that day…**

''Shit,'' Jane mumbled as her hand blindly searched for the mysteriously loud alarm. This is how the detective woke up every morning – with a variation of some expletive. Without even opening her eyes she knew without doubt that she was late, she always was. It was brief moments like these that she swore to heed her mother's advice on being a little more organised. That thought only lasted a few fleeting seconds anyway. What good was it procrastinating? She was better off jumping out of bed and getting on with it.

She rubbed her face vigorously and dragged herself out of bed as fast as she could, given the simple fact that it was morning – she hated mornings, _all mornings. _

''Come on, up we get,'' she hoarsely yelled as she made her way into the opposite bedroom. Much like her, her children were undoubtedly still fast asleep. It was a struggle each morning. One would think that by now all three of them would have got the hang of getting things done on time. It wasn't the case however. Thirty-six years hadn't taught Jane, and seven years surely hadn't taught the twins.

''Guys, we're late,'' she said uncovering the first child, as if it was news – they always were.

Those words were like an alarm clock for Keira. She began stirring under the covers until she eventually sat up. Jane focused on her other daughter, the one that needed to be woken up by a gong each morning. ''Eva, Get up!'' she used her stern voice. Grudgingly the girl got up. Keira was already in the bathroom and Jane was straightening up her bed and trying to assemble their uniforms.

Ah…the beauty of school uniforms. Jane didn't know what she would do with herself if she had to pick out different clothes for them to wear every single school day. She was certain they would have labelled her clinically insane by now.

''Are we going to Grandma's place after school?'' Eva managed through a yarn, sock-clad feet dangling from the bed. She loved socks, it didn't even matter that it was April and the weather didn't require such state of dress.

''No! So if you thought you were getting out of doing homework forget it.'' Her daughter smiled cheekily at her, they knew each other too well. Jane had been just the same as a young girl. ''Come on start getting ready. Your sister is probably done by now''

Indeed Keira was done, the most organised of the three. It was like an anthropological study. They suddenly and easily fell into their routine. Keira dressed swiftly as she recited her times-tables. She was smart, even at seven it wasn't hard to miss. She loved science and maths, and excelled at it. Unlike her twin sister, she'd been all too happy to begin first grade last September. Eva, on the other hand, would have been more than pleased to remain in kindergarten. She wasn't daft; she just didn't particularly care for academic studies. Her favourite school days were Tuesday and Thursday, when they had P.E. Now _that _was her department. Anything that required physical exertion (and not mental) was her most favourite thing. Looking at the two however, one would never tell. They were identical twins, carbon copies of each other in their looks. It would take anyone days to be able to tell the two apart. Those who knew them reasonably well however, were quick to tell them apart by their hair especially. Keira liked hers down, nicely sitting on her shoulders. Eva couldn't stand it. With all the running about she did, hers was always in a ponytail.

''We have fifteen more minutes'' Jane said to her daughters as she skimmed through their book bags to make sure all was in order. She may have always been late to get out of bed, but she was super mum in plenty other ways.

Keira pulled her bowl of Cheerio's as further away from her sister as should, nearly knocking the cereal bowl off the table.

''What are you doing?'', Jane asked without even lifting her head up.

''I'm not sitting next to her,''

''Because….?''

''She called me Kilo'' Keira frowned.

''What did I say Eva?'' came the warning.

''I know Mama. I was just joking with her''

''But she doesn't _like _it. If you call her that again you're grounded''

Keira stuck her tongue out in victory. Because everyone tended to call her 'Kie', one kid on the bus had asked her what her full name was. Upon being told it was Keira-Lauren, the boy had joked saying it should be shortened to 'Ki-lo'. Eva caught up on this 'unit of measurement reference' and used it to taunt her sister occasionally. Nothing like good old fashioned sibling bullying. Eva enjoyed getting a rise out of her twin. But Jane had now effectively put a stop to it. And the children both knew it would be the end of it. Jane was often busy, and had a demanding and draining career. In essence, she didn't have much time to spare. That being said, she wasted no time telling the kids the same thing over and over again. One time was enough, and they had both learned that from a young age.

Fifteen minutes turned into twenty, at which time they had to run to the corner for the school bus. They made it in just enough time, as always, but they had to endure the early morning mini marathon.

Once they were safely on the bus, Jane jumped into her cruiser breathing a sigh of relief as she pulled out her phone to ring Korsak – nothing would have been more horrifying than having to drive the kids to school if she'd missed the bus. It was in the opposite direction to the precinct, and with the morning rush she definitely would have been late to work.

''Shit!'' she cursed once again. She'd forgotten to put her phone on the charger the previous night.

It wasn't the first time.

''Hey Korsak, have the lab results come in yet?''

''No''

''Okay. I'll stop for a coffee. See you in a bit.'' And she hung up. Before she could proceed to the café her phone chimed. It was an unknown number. She hated those. ''Rizzoli'' she answered a bit too harshly.

''Detective?'' came a weary voice.

''Yes''

''Uhhhh, you said to call, if I uhhhh, heard something''

''Melissa! Is everything alright?''

''I don't know. Early this morning I heard a scream. I could be wrong, but I thought I should mention it''

''No, that's perfect, I'm on my way right now okay. Don't –'' And the phone powered off. ''Great,'' she sighed, throwing the useless phone on the dashboard.

A week ago, while solving the case they had at hand, Melissa had approached Jane. The woman lived in a quiet neighbourhood where one of the bodies was found, and was relaying her concerns to Jane.

''…_.I saw him drag her by the hair and practically throw her into the back of a van'' Melissa related._

''_Did you get a good look at his face, or of the woman?'' Jane asked._

''_No. It was dark. But her mouth was tapped and it all happened so fast''_

''_Have you noticed anything else strange? Or any other people coming and going?''_

_Jane was scribbling it all down quickly. _

''_No. It's usually quiet. And I only ever see Walter, he should be in his late fifties and has lived here almost a year now''_

''_I promise to look into it'' Jane assured her. ''And if you see or hear anything else call me immediately, ''she handed over her card._

_At the precinct Jane had looked into it and found out that a single 57 year old man resided at the place. It wasn't an open investigation so one afternoon she had driven over to scope it out. Upon seeing the man she wasted no time in approaching him and asking a few questions. If Jane hadn't been informed of the incident with the woman, she would have found absolutely nothing to worry about. _

In twenty minutes Jane had now made it to the street and parked a few houses away and walked towards the house, gun in place. There wasn't any activity in the street. It mostly appeared as if everyone was still in bed and would only start their day at about 9am. As it was, it was only quarter after eight.

Her gun was safely tucked in as she confidently made her way up the porch steps. A few knocks on the door resulted in absolutely nothing. But with the quietness of everything, and Jane's close proximity, the detective could hear some strange shuffling – very distant. Further analysis indicated that it might be coming from the basement, and so Jane – as quietly as she could – moved to the small window that was almost level with the grass. Indeed, an indiscernible noise was coming from there. Immediately, she ran back to the front door, gun drawn, and kicked it open.

Had her phone been working she would have rung Korsak, had she stopped for a second to think she would have radioed in for back-up. But as it was she had a one-track mind, thinking only of the woman held captive in there. Wild scenarios of the sort of danger and pain she might be in, running rampant in her mind.

No, there was no time to wait, she had to rescue her before she was taken away to God-knows-where, or worse, killed.

The house was neat, and appeared to be well lived in, much unlike Jane had expected. She didn't waste much time taking in the details of the rooms however, she headed straight for where she could hear very low sounds. Steadily grabbing the door knob, she twisted it and the door to the basement opened. It was dark, like any basement really. Jane took the narrow steps one at a time as she made her way down, gun drawn, trying to make out her surroundings through the adrenaline pumping in her.

Her weakness obviously, was letting her heart rule her actions. All she could think about was getting to that woman in there and saving her. Not for her own glory, no, but for the benefit of the woman in there. From a dark corner emerged a large man with a wooden plank in his hand. Jane had just enough time to make out the sound of a footstep before the plank collided with the back of her head. The pain only registered for a split second before everything went dark.

* * *

**AN: Crime isn't my thing, and i'm not going to write about Hoyt either. Neither will there be any cases to solve. This particular one will wrap up VERY quickly, without getting into much detail. **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I'm pretty sure I butchered the medical aspect of it a bit, sorry; I did do as much research as I could though. Just go with me hey…**

* * *

It was like self-torture, the way Angela felt. The room was oppressing. And it felt insulting, the fact that it was a rather large room. She watched her daughter, lying on that hospital bed once again – it wasn't a novel occurrence, quite the contrary actually. But each time made the scare that much worse.

''_We've had to operate on her immediately,'' _the doctor had told Angela and the guys when they got to the hospital. _''The CT-scan we did on her indicated that she's suffered an acute subdural hematoma._ _We need to drain the blood from her brain, to prevent any damage.'' _Angela had broken down in tears.

The operation, thankfully, did not take too long. Angela feared more for _her _health at that point. She hadn't the faintest idea what she'd do if anything ever happened to Jane. And what of the children? The thoughts were unbearable, and yet there wasn't a single thing she could do to distract herself. In the confines of a hospital, what could one think about other than the reason why they were there in the first place?

''_The hit on her head triggered the hematoma. Now I understand the first time was when she was young, correct?'' _the doctor had asked Angela after Jane's operation.

They all feared the worst.

The guys had gone back to work, and Angela sat quietly by her daughters bedside. Waiting, and hoping that Jane would come-to sooner rather than later. _''It's most likely the trauma,'' _the doctor had supplied, in regards to Jane's comatose state. _''I can't say for certain when she'll come around. But I'm hoping it won't be long, as there aren't any indications of complications,'' _he further assured.

It did nothing for Angela.

The woman lightly stroked Jane's hand as she remembered the incident that brought to life her worst nightmares.

''_Can you tell your sister to hurry up'', Angela yelled to her middle son as he bounded up the stairs. It was a typical morning in the Rizzoli household – Frank passively enjoying his breakfast, Tommy sneakily stealing his brother's sausage, while said brother goofed around with his older sister. Except, today was the second morning that Jane had not joined them for breakfast. _

''_Honey, you need to eat and shut that mouth long enough to chew something'', Angela instructed. Her youngest was in first grade, not the brightest light, but delightful in every way possible – when he wasn't causing trouble that is. She smoothed out his untidy hair as she went about packing the children's lunch. The house was a mess, as always. Winter meant that scarfs and gloves and hats were scattered haphazardly around the house, and while Angela should have been infuriated by this, she couldn't help but excuse it. _

_A house with three young children was supposed to look lived-in right?_

_It was. _

''_Where is that girl?'', Angela huffed when Frankie appeared sans Jane._

''_She's sleeping'', he shrugged as he sat to scoff down his breakfast. Frank looked at him with an analytical eye. The couple held the most hope for him if they were honest about it. Sure kids change, but they didn't have faith in a change from their oldest and their youngest. At ten years old, Jane was as stubborn as a rock. She dragged herself in mud for pleasure and often came home with scrapes of all kinds. She was hell bent on entering a profession that involved direct physical contact and she couldn't be swayed otherwise. Their Tommy was so sly, too cunning for a boy of only six years. Frank and Angela knew that if they didn't herd him with a firm stick he'd end up a criminal. They had to be very careful with him. But Frankie, bless him, was a sweet boy. He looked out for his siblings as best as he could, and helped his parents whenever need be. He was the one never getting into trouble and the only one who actually enjoyed school and did his homework without being forced. Of the three kids, he was also the one with the most decent friends and engaged in unharmful activities. _

_Angela pushed Jane's door open unnecessarily forcefully as she barged into the girl's room. And just as Frankie had relayed, Jane was nicely tucked under her camouflage bedspread (one that Angela hated to no end – and Jane couldn't understand because Frankie had the same one and no one minded). _

''_Get up this instant'', she demanded. Jane just stirred in her sleep and tugged on the covers even more. This infuriated Angela, who proceeded to pull the covers off Jane and the girl lazily began to open her eyes. _

''_Ma?'' Jane asked, looking a little disoriented. This startled Angela immediately. Her daughter wasn't always vibrant in the morning, but she sure as hell never looked like that. ''Baby, are you okay'', the woman rushed to her daughters side and quickly placed her hand on the small forehead. _

_She had a temperature._

''_Oh no'', Angela gasped. The day before Jane had been in bed like this again. But Angela had been too busy to tend to what she called rebellious behaviour and had coaxed Tommy into irritating Jane out of bed. Jane had been unlike herself, but she had attributed it to Jane being pissed off. After school the girl had been in her room and only joined them for supper before retreating back. Again, this was dismissed as her being upset. But now as Angela felt her forehead and the rest of her body, she realized that wasn't the case at all._

_Jane was sick. _

_The flu, Angela thought. Or some sort of bug going around – it was winter after all. _

…_._

_It was times like these that Angela loved the fact that she was a stay-at-home mom. Her sons set off to school, her husband to work, while she stayed with her daughter. She gave Jane doses of Tylenol throughout the day and made her more food than was appropriate. _

_In short, she smothered her all day long, barely staying more than three feet away from her for longer than fifteen minutes. _

_She wasn't a doctor, so it only occurred to her later that night that her Janie might not have the flu. She hadn't exactly exhibited the classical signs of influenza and it was now slowly starting to register that it might be something else. _

''_I'll take her to the doctor tomorrow morning'', she said to Frank as they lay in bed. _

''_Please do Ange. It's not like Janie to be this way'', he conceded._

''_Yes. She was in bed almost all day and seemed rather peculiar. Like….not with it as such, confused. I should have seen it. It's just that they get a flu all the time, it didn't appear different at first''_

''_Hey…'', Frank pulled her closer, ''she'll be fine. Its Jane remember?''_

''_Yeah''_

_The next morning Jane was feeling only marginally better. Her head was throbbing and she felt really weak. For a ten year old, it was a little difficult for her to articulate how she felt exactly, other than the common 'I feel tired' or 'my head hurts'. _

_A trip to the doctors was definitely in order. _

…_._

''_Do you want to tell me what you did over the weekend?'', the kind female doctor spoke to Jane. _

_Not understanding the relevance of the question, Jane gave a brief description of what she had done during said weekend. Her head felt heavy so she rested it on her mother's shoulder as she spoke in her gruff voice. Naturally it was groggy, but was now made worse from disuse and the mysterious illness. Angela encouraging rubbed her hand up and down her daughters arm as Jane told the last of the events. _

_Doctor Robbins sat in her chair and listened intently to Jane's description. She was no psychologist, but she knew Jane had skipped over something vital. Upon arrival, Angela had explained Jane's symptoms as Doctor Robbins carefully jotted it down. The symptoms were somewhat general, but pointed to a few things that could be the culprit. Combined however, the doctor felt a little confident in what she suspected. That is the reason why she was asking Jane what she did over the weekend, she wanted to be sure of her analysis. _

''_Would you mind getting her a cup of water Angela, she could do with some hydration. And at the nurse's station you can ask for a small blanket. It would do well to keep her warm''_

_Angela was almost on her feet before the doctor finished her sentence. ''Of course,'' she quickly said. If there was even the smallest of things she could do for her daughter she'd do it at the speed of lightning. _

''_I'll stay with her,'' Doctor Robbins assured. Once Angela was safely out the door, the woman smiled back at Jane, ''You know, your mother is very worried about you. And if you don't tell me what happened, I won't be able to help you, and she's going to be worried for a very long time,'' the doctor began, admittedly mildly guilt-tripping the child. ''I want to help you too Jane. So please, tell me what happened…..your mother won't be mad at you'', she added._

''_Not at me,'' Jane said quietly. _

_Ah ha! Success. The doctor felt elated._

''_Who will she be upset with?''_

''_Tommy''_

''_What did Tommy do?''_

''_He….he'', she stuttered, eyes lazily darting around the small consultation room to make sure her mother wasn't back yet. _

''_You can tell me sweetheart. What did Tommy do?''_

''_He hit me with a snowball….we were just playing'', she hastily added. _

''_Did anything else happen?''_

''_I just fell down. But then I was okay. And he said he was sorry anyway''_

''_So why didn't you tell your mum?''_

''_Because before, Tommy put his leg out when Frankie was walking and tripped him over. Frankie hurt his nose and Ma and Pop yelled at him and he was grounded for a week''_

_The doctor had been correct in her analysis. When Angela returned, she urged Jane to explain to Angela what had happened. Immediately after the chat they arranged for Jane to have a CT Scan. The results indicated that Jane had sustained a 'sub-acute subdural hematoma'. _

''_It's a blood clot in the brain'', the doctor patiently explained to Angela and Frank, the latter who had been called in while Jane prepped for the procedure. ''the phase usually begins between 3-7 days after an incident, which is why I was quick to ask Jane about her weekend activities. ''the good news is that it is much uncomplicated in her case. The hematoma appears to be shrinking, if she hadn't been having any obvious symptoms, it might have gone away without you even knowing,'' both parents breathed a sigh of relief. They're daughter was going to be okay. ''I will prescribe pain killers for her headaches, and we'll see how things are in a few days when she comes for a check-up. However, she's going to have to tone it down a bit with her physical activities''_

''_Please, Doctor, just tell us what we have to do,'' Angela spoke up. _

''_She may still be prone to a reoccurrence. Furthermore, you need to watch her closely for any swelling on the head. She may lose consciousness, or become dizzy or confused at any time. She'll need at least a couple of days to rest very well.''_

_The doctor gave them all the information they needed, and it wasn't until early evening that they got home. Despite all the reassurances Jane got from her parents, Tommy was still grounded. And that was after getting a little spanking for what he had done to his sister. None of the children had guessed that such an insignificant thing could have caused so much damage, worse still six-year old Tommy. Nonetheless, the elder Rizzoli's had gotten a mighty terror and were unwilling to let it go so easily. For all they knew, things could get worse. _

_In the ensuing weeks, Frank and Angela were convinced their praying paid off. The hematoma was gone, and their little girl was fine again. To Jane's utter disappointment, her life never went back to how it was before. _

Angela dabbed at her moist eyes again. First Jane just needed the painkillers. Now they had step it up a notch to draining the blood. Next it would have to be an invasive, much bigger and complicated operation that could potentially leave her daughter in an unrecoverable state. She bowed her head and prayed to her God yet again.

* * *

**AN: Thanks for your kind words.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles or make any money from this.**

* * *

It was a peculiar feeling. The exact type of feeling Maura had been protecting herself from for the past year. But today the situation had sort of descended upon her, she was by nature, nothing if not helpful.

She had to keep reminding herself that she was doing this for Angela, a woman who had been ever so kind to her. Granted Maura felt a tinge of dislike for Angela in the first days when she had immediately been able to pick up on Maura's distress. It was beyond the doctor, how a stranger could tell just from looking at her that something was wrong. She'd spent almost all her life perfecting her cover-up mask, but that never worked for Angela – right from the first day they met.

''What am I doing?'' she asked herself for the umpteenth time. It had taken Maura roughly fifteen minutes to get to Jane's neighbourhood. Now she was parked by the corner, waiting for a school bus that would drop two seven year old girls into her care.

Maura never spoke to Jane, if she could help it – which was almost always. She spent her days where she should be, down in the morgue. And at crimes scenes she did her job and left. Other than the obvious fact that she had kids, Jane, to her, appeared slapdash, rude, vulgar and too confident (she wasn't going to mention even to herself that Jane also appear painfully _hot_). All things Maura disliked in people. In any case, Jane never gave her the time of day. There was never hostility between them, just the unspoken agreement that they had nothing in common.

''But here I am, picking up her kids from school'' Maura scolded herself. She hadn't the slightest idea what she'd do with those children until Angela got back from the hospital to watch them. But Jane, whom she knew little to nothing of, was in a semi-critical condition, and she needed to help however she could. The easiest way to look at it was that she was helping a colleague in a time of need.

That reasoning did nothing for her. In the distance she could just about make out the unmistakable yellow school bus as it rounded the corner and drove towards her – nearer and nearer.

She was going to screw it all up. She just knew it.

There isn't a single thing she wanted more in life than a child, but now she was beginning to wonder if her need was misguided. All her inadequacies presented themselves.

It was too late for self-reflection. The bus was pulling over before she knew it. On shaky feet, she exited her silver Mercedes and briskly walked to the school bus that had just stopped. Three boys ran out, one heading to a car parked in front of Maura's and the other two walking towards a minivan on the opposite side of the street.

''Good afternoon'' Maura smiled at the driver, putting on the most profession veneer she could muster. ''Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth'' she extended her badge for the driver to see. ''I'm here for Keira-Lauren and Eva-Sienna Rizzoli''

The girls hadn't hopped out when it was clear that their mother or grandmother was nowhere in sight. As they heard their names, they wearily made their way to the door. Maura passed a permission slip to the driver who quickly skimmed it and nodded for the twins to proceed.

...

''Your grandmother sent me,'' Maura swatted down a little as the bus drove off. ''I'm Maura Isles''

''Mama said she's picking us up today,'' came a defiant response for Eva.

''I suppose she might have, but…let's get to the car and we can talk.'' They were standing opposite each other at a corner, Maura feared a passer-by may think she was trying to lure the kids to her car with candy and lock them up in her basement for the next twenty years.

The blonde marvelled at how alike the girls looked at such proximity. It was astounding. She couldn't tell them apart. She made a mental note to _thoroughly_ research on identical twins once she got home, it was so interesting. She had to switch her mind-set though; the last thing she wanted was looking at someone's children as a study - an experiment - instead of looking out for their well-being.

She surprised herself by pulling both arms out for each girl to take and slowly leading them to her car. ''Is that your car?'' Eva gasped in wonderment.

''Yes it is''

''Cool. Do you work with Mama? How come we've never seen you before?'' Eva questioned. Maura's hands felt a bit sweaty. She didn't want to say the wrong thing. She was helping yes, but she knew Jane would chop her head off if she did or said anything unbecoming.

''I work at Boston Police with your mother.''

''How come you don't have a gun and a badge like Mama?'' asked the observant Keira.

''Because I am a medical examiner, not a police officer''

''Mama's a _detective''_ corrected Keira.

''Indeed she is'' They got to the car and Maura opened the door to let them in. She briefly wondered how they were going to take the news that their mother was in hospital. She herself didn't want to dwell on that. Not having anything to do with Jane didn't mean she wished death on her. She didn't wish death on anyone.

The questions were endless as they made the short distance to the Rizzoli house. Frankie had given her the keys (knowing fully well that Jane was going to kill him, but having no choice), and instructed her to keep the girls there until he was off duty and would relieve Maura. When Maura heard other mothers say children talked incessantly she never used to understand it. Now she did.

''So how old are you?''

''Thirty-four''

''Do you have any kids?''

''No,'' Maura swallowed the lump in her throat, hoping to God they wouldn't ask why. Coming from an adult, the question would have sent her into a mini, if not major breakdown. But from the kids, it was more like just a punch in the gut, that she could quickly get over.

''Do you stay close to our house?''

''I live in Beacon Hill, it's not too far from here''

''Are you rich?''

''Depending on the standards you measure my wealth against. But I suppose I could safely say I'm well off''

''Do you have a swimming pool at your house?''

''Yes I do''

''So you _are _rich,'' Eva marvelled.

Maura chuckled, finding it amusing that the standard for being wealthy in the little girl's eyes meant having a swimming pool at your house.

''Can we come for a swim? After we do our homework?''

''Maybe another day,'' Maura reasoned.

The questions didn't stop.

''So will you stay here with us until Mama gets back?''

Maura had asked Angela what she'd have to say _when _the children asked about their mother and the situation. Angela had enough on her plate as it was, she'd just told Maura to explain that Jane was not well and that she'd be home later to talk to them.

''Your grandmother will be back a bit later. Jane, your mother I mean, isn't well. She's in hospital and your grandmother is just staying with her for a little while''

This is the first time there was complete silence. Both girls stood by the door to their condo looking horrified. Maura wished she'd never said anything. Wished she _hadn't had _to say anything. But children were inquisitive and smart, and it was only a matter of time anyway.

It didn't make it any better.

''There is no need for you to worry. Your mother will be fine,'' Maura bent down to their level.

Maura wasn't a liar, couldn't lie. And as those words tumbled out of her mouth, she believed them. Jane _had _to be fine for those little girls. She just had to.

''How do you know?'' Keira asked, on the verge of tears.

And those bright, trusting and scared brown eyes looked back at her. Maura didn't know how she knew, but she did. She'd have to make sure, for these children.

''I'll do all that I can,'' she whispered, hating herself for getting deeper and deeper into this situation. Her job was only to watch the girls for some hours, not to start playing doctor to their mother and hero to them.

Too late anyway, she's already promised it – so she'd do it.

She wasn't sure why she hadn't said something as simple and general as 'the doctors will take good care of her'. No! She had placed herself in charge personally. She cringed at her forwardness, but knew if asked a second time, she wouldn't change her answer.

* * *

Jane's place was nothing like she expected.

Lie!

She didn't expect anything. She hadn't even thought about it. The accurate thing to say is that she was surprised by Jane's house. The condo was small, something she wasn't accustomed to. In all her life, she'd never lived in a place as small as that. Even while in university she had a place bigger than this.

She suddenly felt selfish. Everything about her felt hypocritical. The company she had kept, that she had internally pointed fingers at for pompousness were just like her. This was a two-bedroomed condo that housed three people, and yet in only her twenties she'd felt she needed a bigger place when it was only one of her. The irony.

It amazed her, how comfortable Keira and Eva already were in her company in those few minutes. As soon as they got in the house she just stood by the entrance watching the girls go over their routine as if she wasn't even there.

''What did Mama say?'' Keira warned her sister who had thrown her backpack on the floor in the living room.

''But she isn't going to be back right now, Maya said she's in hospital''

''But still''

''Fine!'' Eva huffed as she dragged her bag to their room. Jane had had a hard time training them to be tidy with their belongings. And it seemed Keira was trustworthy enough to make sure there weren't any set-backs.

Maura didn't get the chance to correct the error she'd made with her name. What did it matter? She probably wasn't going to see them again anyway.

She didn't know what to do with herself as the girls disappeared into their room, so she took the chance to take in her surroundings. There was only a kitchen, the living room with a dining area attached and a small hallway. From the three doors she could see it was clear that one was Jane's room, the other the kids room, and the last one the bathroom. It's not like she had to guess anyway, all three doors were wide open.

''Maya!''

''Yes'' Maura came back to the present.

''Can you please pass that to me?''

''Of course'' Maura cautiously entered the room. There were two parallel single beds – both with 'peace sign' patterns. There was a double door closet and two chest of drawers at the foot of each bed. Keira was standing contemplatively in front of the closet waiting for Maura. ''It's uhhh, my name is Maura – not Maya.'' She suddenly felt the need to correct the girl.

''Oh,'' Keira shrugged. ''How do you write that?'' the girl asked, pulling a book and pencil from her bedside drawer. Maura took it and neatly wrote down the five letters for the girl. ''I like it,'' she smiled, tearing the piece of paper and pinning it to the wall with a drawing pin. Before Maura could say anything, Keira was back in front of the open closet. ''I want that pink plastic bag'' she instructed. Maura, still clutching her handbag and in her heels, as if ready to leave at any moment, easily reached for the item.

''Thank you. Can you help me? Mama usually does''

''Of course'' Maura said again. Eva had long left the room and was sitting in front of the television with a bag of Cheetos. Unlike her sister, she didn't have any after school rituals. She had just taken off her shoes and left. Keira on the other hand, changed from her school uniform to home clothes and did her hair all over again.

''We got this at Claire's last weekend'' she pointed to the hair band she was taking out of the bag. ''I wanted a green one and an orange one, but Mama said it was better to get a white one because it could match with all my dresses'' she was now sitting on the edge of her bed.

''Well you could have got the three of them''

''It was expensive,'' the girl simply said.

Of course. Maura wanted to kick herself. She thought she was being kind and understanding, when in fact she was being ignorant.

''I'm-'' She caught herself before saying I'm sorry. Because that would have just been worse. She was just glad she was talking to a child and hopefully the girl wouldn't be so perceptive.

''I want to hold my fringe with this band and comb the rest back'' Keira told Maura, missing Maura's recent worries completely.

''That would be nice''

A moment of silence passed, in which Maura discovered that Keira was waiting for _her _to do what she'd just said. She couldn't hold in the small chuckle. It was funny. The girl was so used to her mother, who wouldn't even have to be told. Keira would just sit on her bed and Jane would know exactly what to do. It made her laugh, but also want to cry.

Carefully, as if she were handling a porcelain doll, she took the brush and combed Keira's shoulder length blonde hair. ''Let me know if I hurt you okay''

''You won't. Can you guess what Eva is watching right now?''

Maura stopped breathing for a few seconds. This girl who she didn't know trusted her. It was the best and worst feeling at the same time. This is why she wanted children of her own, she could experience that love and care and trust. But this was also the reason why she _had _to stay away from children.

She couldn't have them, wasn't capable. And each time she was reminded of that it hurt all over again.

''Can you guess?''

''Sorry?'' Maura had missed the question entirely.

''I said can you guess what Eva is watching?''

''Oh I wouldn't know dear'' she heard herself say, still gently combing out Keira's hair.

''Spongebob''

Maura had never heard of that. She didn't have to stress to much anyway, because Keira had already moved on from that particular topic.

Maura felt a wave of dizziness. Kids sort of hopped on and off topics in a fraction of a second. She was finding it a little tiresome to keep up.

''I'm hungry. Can we have french fries from Moogy's''

''No!'' Maura said with immediate horror. She didn't even have to know more. For one…..FRENCH FRIES. And two….MOOGY'S.

No! Just…..no!

''But why? We _love _Moogy's.''

At hearing about food, Eva sprinted back to the bedroom where all the action was. ''Are we going to Moogy's? Yay. Let me change,'' she clapped her hands and jumped up and down.

Again, the dizziness. Maura wasn't sure she could manage. Angela had just said to get them whatever they wanted for lunch, the situation didn't warrant too many instructions.

''Maybe we could uhhhhh, find another place to have lunch huh. What'd think?''

''Ok,'' they agreed in unison. Maura had braced herself for a fight, but it never came.

''You can change and we will go.'' Going out for lunch seemed much more enticing that staying in Jane's house and rummaging through her kitchen for hours.

On her way back to the living room, Maura discreetly peeped into Jane's room. The bed was unmade, with dark burgundy sheets. A pile of clothes sat there with shoes scattered on the floor. Definitely tell-tale signs of someone who had left in a hurry. But what Maura took from it was Jane's consideration and prioritising. The detective had favoured making sure the girls room was neat, as opposed to hers. Such a simple gesture that could be easily missed, but Maura caught it plain and clear.

The girls emerged, identical at the face but completely different attires. Keira wore a stripped short dress and sandals while Eva wore purple shorts and a white t-shirt with flip flops.

Both girls ensembles looked the direct opposite of Maura's (overly casual versus overly sophisticated).

* * *

As they drove off, the girls chattered on and asked numerous questions that sometimes went unanswered – they didn't even mind.

''Where are we going for lunch then?''

''We have to do our homework when we get back home you know?''

''I have a form for soccer practice that needs to be signed tonight, and I need $10 to pay for it. It has to go in the envelope together so I can give the coach at practice''

''Will you be taking us again tomorrow? Because Lisa's mom wants to talk to Mama about our play date? Oh, tomorrow we don't take the bus by the way''

Maura wanted to die. She was waaaaaaaay in over her head. She couldn't do it. She'd have to run the second Angela arrived and never look back. One afternoon is more than enough.

They pulled up to as casual a restaurant as Maura could remember. It served fries and other foods Maura believed to be child-friendly. Before they could get out however, Angela called. Leaving the kids in the car, Maura stepped out for a little privacy.

''_They aren't too much trouble are they?''_

Maura could hear the tears in Angela's voice, which had gone severely hoarse. ''No, they aren't at all. They are very lovely children. We've just come out for lunch. They want some French fries.''

''_I'm so sorry for the inconvenience Maura. I cannot tell you how much this means to me, to all of us'' Angela choked out._

''I didn't have much to do Angela, it's really fine. The hospital wouldn't have made for a conducive environment for the kids. How is Detective Rizzoli?''

''_They say the swelling has reduced. The operation went alright. She's still in a coma though. But they tell us everything else looks promising''_

''Oh that's good''

''_Just let me know how much everything costs. And I'll make sure to be home before seven. Is that alright? Frankie might make it before me if he manages''_

''Please, it's just lunch Angela. Don't worry about it. And take as much time as you need, they are fine''

''_Jane will be so grateful to you. Thank you''_

_... _

The girls hopped out and Maura grabbed each of their hands as they walked into the restaurant. She wasn't sure if kids their age run off, or maybe they could get stolen, or lost, or maybe that's just what parents do. Regardless, she held their hands, and they didn't object.

''Oooh, Thursday lunch with Mummy and the girls. What are you having?'' the waitress said cheerfully.

Before she could object, Eva started, ''I want a strawberry milkshake and small cheese fries with a brownie''

''Now _that's _a girl who knows what she wants,'' the young lady laughed, writing the order down.

''I want fries with a lemonade and chicken nuggets'' Keira added.

Maura was appalled at these orders. Internally she'd already calculated the amount of calories and plain garbage in the food, against the children's recommended daily count, taking into consideration their age and weight. Never mind what they'd already eaten to this point. It was just unacceptable. But what could she do?

''I'll have a house salad and a coffee please. Milk no sugar.''

''She thinks you're our mum,'' Eva snickered when the lady was gone.

''Maybe we look the same'' Keira piped in, sliding off her chair and walking around to Maura's side. Before the blonde knew it, Keira had her cheek pressed to hers, with one arm slung around her shoulders.

''Hmmmmm'', Eva pretended to think. ''Nah….your hair is just almost the same but you look different''

Keira happily jumped back to her seat next to her sister and started chatting away. Maura was still stunned. She wasn't used to being touched just like that, much less by small children. She yearned for it, painfully so, but it never was the case.

The food was brought to them in no time at all. ''that's Kie's'' Eva laughed. The waitress had gotten their orders wrong. It often happened, with how identical they were and all. Maura couldn't blame the lady, she'd have never known the difference if she hadn't done Keira's hair differently from her sister. Or if it wasn't for their very different attires.

''Are you married?'' Keira asked, obliviously chewing on her French fry.

''Yes'' Maura responded. She just hoped the girl wouldn't ask her anything she couldn't answer.

''To a man or a woman?''

Maura choked on her coffee. She hurriedly grabbed her napkin and daintily dabbed her wet lips.

''Are you okay?'' both girls asked at the same time.

''Yes….yes I'm quite alright, thank you''

She realized the blessing of children's short attention span. The little incident was obviously going to cover up the question, and just like before they were going to discuss something else.

Not this time, apparently.

''So are you married to man or a woman?'' Keira asked again.

''Why would you ask such a question?''

''Because I wanna know. Alexis' dad is married to a man, and Lucy's mum is married to a woman. So I asked Mama why, and she said that people get married to who they love, it doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman''

''Well that's very true. Your mother is right''

After a short silence, Eva then asked. ''So are _you _married to a man or a woman?''

* * *

**AN: Boy...those kids won't let _that _go! haha**


	5. Chapter 5

She walked into the hospital room with dread and purpose.

It was a peculiar feeling, having this _need_ to see someone. Maura knew a lot about need. Aside from pain, over the past five years her most overwhelming feeling had been of need. But now it was a different kind of need she was feeling, and for a very different kind of reason. All of a sudden she didn't _trust. _

It was stupid, she knew it.

Since when had _she _become God?

Jane was in good hands. She was in a hospital with well trained staff. In actuality, the staffs tending to Jane were better equipped to take care of the detective than Maura herself was.

Frankie had managed to get off relatively early the previous day, meaning Maura didn't have to drive back to Jane's house with the twins. The younger detective had met them at the restaurant and had eventually left with his nieces. Maura hardly slept that night. When she got home she began an intensive course in refreshing her brain with all matters regarding coma patients and hematomas. While the kids fooled around a little, Frankie had briefly explained Jane's condition and a little on her medical history. With that knowledge, Maura did all the research she could. She even went as far as looking into the credentials of the doctors tending to Jane, and consulting a brain specialist she was well acquainted with at one point.

''_I'd like to visit Jane tomorrow morning, if that's alright. __I know at that time no one will be around to see her. I don't wish to get in your way,'' _Maura had said to Angela that evening.

''_You're welcome at any time Maura, feel free''_

_''Thank you. I'll see you when you come for the girl tomorrow evening''_

Yes, Maura had once again agreed to pick the kids after school while Angela watched over Jane. Maura herself, had informed Angela she would go to see Jane in the early hours of the morning, right before she had to get to work. Angela thought it sweet that the doctor was so caring.

Maura _needed _to see Jane. To make sure she was okay with her own eyes – assess the situation herself if you will. She told herself it was for the children. That she had promised Keira and Eva that she'd personally make sure that their mother was okay.

If there was another reason, it hadn't made itself known to her as yet.

Jane was almost the complete opposite of how Maura remembered her. The tan, tall Italian beauty was lying still in-between white sheets. She was connected to a number of machines, making her seem much smaller than she actually was. Maura was sure Jane wouldn't welcome her visit, but ignored that thought and continued to walk closer to the brunette.

''I met your girls, I hope you don't mind too much,'' Maura spoke to the unconscious form in front of her. To any other person, it might be a strange phenomenon; speaking to someone you know will not respond. But Maura was well versed in that respect, years of experience having made her comfortable with not expecting a response. Many a time Maura had had no one to listen to her other than the reflection in her mirror, or the walls of her bedroom.

She regarded the detective closely, checking for any indication that though unconscious, Jane might be hearing her. Non was forthcoming.

''They sure have a lot to share,'' she lowly chuckled.

Two more steps brought the front of her thighs against the edge of the bed, where Maura was surprised by the impulse she had to stroke Jane's hand.

She contained herself though.

''They're special girls, and they miss you very much. They are worried about you, very much so – Keira especially''

Anyone else might not have noticed, but Maura did. It was a minuscule movement; the small twitch of Jane's closed eye lids. But it was there. And Maura saw it.

Jane could hear her.

There was a great chance the brunette wouldn't remember anything Maura said, but the fact that she could hear it for the time being was enough. It indicated that she wasn't too far gone, and that with a little luck she wouldn't be in a coma for a dreadfully long time.

''I will watch them again today after school. I don't know what we will do, but I will try my best to….do my best,'' she shook her head at her lack of eloquence. ''I sincerely hope that you…wake up soon. Your daughters would very much love to see you. They have plenty to share I believe''

Maura knew almost all there was to know about patients in comas. Having to talk to them and all that. She suspected that Angela did very little talking, but instead wept the bulk of the time she was with Jane. And whatever she did say was probably not that inspiring to the patient. So Maura had taken it upon herself to update Jane on her children's progress. Not having much of a prior relationship with Jane probably made the task easier. She wasn't battling too many emotions so speaking to Jane on a general, slightly cheerful and inspiring level wasn't too much of a feat for the doctor.

Discreetly, as if Jane would see her, she browsed through Jane's file, cataloging the notes and matching them with the knowledge she'd acquired the previous night. The several monitors indicated that all was as could be expected – heart rate, blood pressure, et cetera.

For ten whole minutes, Maura just stood and watched Jane. Internally she chastised herself, and shook her head a bit in laughter. Here she stood, thoroughly envious of a woman in a coma. The stupidity of it. The blonde reflected on how lucky Jane was. How so very blessed the detective was to have such a happy and fulfilling life. Maura wasn't so naïve as to believe that everything was as it appeared on the surface, but deep down she had a strong feeling that Jane Rizzoli was happy. She felt it the moment she stepped into her home. For one, it was a _home. _Warm and comforting. Jane, without a doubt, loved her job, and her family, and her friends. She was bold and confident and didn't at all seem to care what anyone thought. She was respected and loved. And then the kids. _Her daughters. _Jane had such wonderful babies and Maura envied that the most. With all the wealth of knowledge and money she had, she couldn't have her own little humans. She couldn't reproduce. Maura knew that at any given second she would happily give away _all_ that she had if it would get her children in return.

Once again she was rapidly spiraling into a state of melancholy. She needed to stop thinking and get to work. It wouldn't do to transfer her negative energy to the patient in her presence.

''I have to go to work now'' she said steadying her voice. ''Tomorrow, I'll come back to see you''

Conviction!

Because she knew that she would come.

* * *

Growing up Maura had never feared much. She was well read, and approached everything logically. It only occurred to her, years later into her life, that the reason she didn't have much to fear was because she didn't yearn for much to begin with. She had always had everything, and what she didn't have, she didn't particularly desire.

She first became acquainted with fear when she discovered she had fertility problems. Because only then did she long for something with fierce intensity.

After burying her hopes of having her own children, fear had become somewhat of a stranger. Now, she was being reacquainted with it. It was the second day in a row that she found herself once again waiting at the corner for that dreaded yellow school bus.

Yes, it was definitely fear.

The first day had gone relatively well, maybe because Maura was of the assumption that it was a one-time thing. But now, she had to face the children again, fully knowing that this may well be _not _the last time.

And just like the feeling of being tossed overboard, it dawned on Maura that the girls had yesterday said that they were to be picked up from school and were not taking the school bus. With everything going on, Angela and Frankie had forgotten to inform Maura of that little detail, that on Fridays Jane usually went to school to pick the kids up. She used that time to speak with the twin's teachers or other parents or coaches about various aspects of her daughters' lives.

Maura took off immediately after typing in the address she got from Frankie after the frantic phone call into her GPS. She had never driven so fast in her whole life. She didn't even care that she was over the speed limit the entire time. She would sooner get a ticket than let the children sit in waiting for any longer than they had to.

Lucky for her, she'd been slightly early to arrive at the corner in an attempt to gather herself before the twins came. So that bought her a few extra minutes, making her arrival time just shortly after the students had been released.

The blonde had never been to such a school before. It was very small and intimate. Everyone knew each other. The children of St. Mary's Catholic School were all smartly dressed in the blue uniforms. Girls in checked skirts or tunics and blues shirts, and boys in shorts or trousers and blue shirts as well. It was all very neat and reminded Maura a little of her school in England back in the day.

Several children were running off to their parents as Maura uncertainly walked to congregate where the other parents stood – just around the exit.

''Michael Keith Moreland,'' the woman by the door shouted. A few seconds later a boy emerged, Michael it was, Maura concluded.

''Lisa Craverk,'' a few seconds later again a little girl came out.

Maura realized that the woman was part of the admin at the school. When the parents came she called out to the children who then came out of the building. The students didn't haphazardly loiter the parking lot unattended to.

''Mummy, we have to wait for Eva's mum. Remember you have to talk to her about our play date?''

_Shit!_

Maura never cursed. But this instance had to be an exception, right? She inwardly cursed and cursed again. What was she to say when faced by this woman? She was clueless. And because the admin lady didn't know her, she wasn't going to call Keira and Eva, which meant she would stand there until everyone was done, which meant the girls would be sitting alone in class.

That wouldn't do.

So she propelled herself into the small crowd of chatting parents and children until she got to the lady calling out to the students.

''Good afternoon, I'm here for Eva and Keira Rizzoli''

''Afternoon,'' the woman glanced at Maura suspiciously. ''Tori Gallegan,'' she bellowed when she spotted Tori's mom. ''And you are?'' she directed her attention back to Maura.

''Doctor Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner,'' she produced her badge, together with the permission slip from yesterday.

After looking closely at Maura, and then back to the badge and slip, she called out the girls ''Eva and Keira Rizzoli''

The girls came running out in a short space of time, ''Maura'' they said at the same time and quickly wrapped their small hands around her waist.

''Hello dears. How was your day?''

She almost regretted it as they both launched into quick accounts of the highlights of their day. But before they could detail it all, they spotted Lisa's mum speaking to Kimberly's mum and the two girls running around them.

''Maura!'' Eva cried out. ''There's Lisa's mum. You have to talk to her''

Maura didn't have time to say anything, because Keira and Eva took off in that direction. They immediately started playing with Lisa and Kimberly as Maura nervously made her way to the two curious moms.

She found herself suddenly not liking moms. They seemed so judgmental in their looks and frightfully curious, it was unnerving.

''Hello, I'm Doctor Maura Isles,'' she extended her hand to greet the two women.

''Nice to meet you,'' they both brightly smiled back. Maura watched them openly scan her in broad daylight. She blushed as she lightly tugged at her handbag.

''The girls tell me they have a sort of date scheduled or due to be scheduled with Lisa,'' she began.

''Yes,'' Lisa's mother responded. ''Jane had said I could bring Lisa over next Sunday''

''Oh I'm afraid we may have to reschedule. Jane isn't well''

''Is everything alright?'' Kimberly's mother was suddenly concerned, all traces of scoping-Maura-out gone.

''I can't say with certainty at the moment. She's in hospital, which is why I fear it may not be such a good idea.''

''But Maura, why? _You _can watch us if mama isn't back yet,'' Eva whined, tugging on her arm to get her point across better.

''I don't know dear, we'll have to see''

''Well here's my card,'' Lisa's mum handed Maura the white small paper, ''Call me if it's okay to bring her over next week. Otherwise we can do it another time''

''But mummy,'' Lisa whined too.

Maura watched the miserable kids, knowing that it was within her power to put smiles on their faces, but afraid to indulge herself in such satisfaction. She wasn't sure what the after effects would be like.

But her mind had her mouth were running in opposite directions. ''How about you bring her over to me then. If anything major happens then I will call to cancel'' Maura handed over her card to the woman.

''Yay,'' the kids jumped up and down in elation.

''Can I come too?'' Kimberly cried now. She suddenly felt left out.

Maura expected Kimberly's mother to caution her child. To tell her politely that it wasn't okay to invite yourself somewhere. Or to maybe placate her until they were out of sight.

That didn't happen. Kimberly's mother then looked expectantly to Maura, almost as if daring her to say no.

''She could join us too if she'd like,'' Maura put on her very best calm façade, handing over her card to Kimberly's mother. Both women looked completely taken aback at reading Maura's credentials on the card. Kimberley's mother actually gasped a bit, before fixing Maura a rather distasteful eye.

The doctor couldn't understand why Kimberly's mother would be interested in bringing her child over to her house if she clearly didn't much care for her. Maura had to catalogue it into her file of things she didn't understand about human behaviour.

''Maura has a pool, so you must bring your swim-suits,'' Eva gushed to her friends.

_Oh dear me, Maura thought. _

''Alright then, we'll be in touch,'' the women waved Maura and the twins off.

…

The two ladies silently _watched_ Maura. In her four inch Louis Vuitton's and skin fitting blue dress with long wavy blonde curls, she looked like a goddess. They could hardly believe it.

''Is _that _Rizzoli's new woman?'' Lisa's mother gasped. ''Wow''

''Dana, please stop,'' Gina, Kimberly's mother said, looking utterly pissed and heartbroken.

''Come on G, you can't tell me you're still hung up on Jane. It's been what, a year or two now?'' when Gina didn't say anything, Dana looked at her pitifully, ''I'm sorry. Is that why Kim hadn't been invited for a play date?''

''It's complicated,'' Gina sighed.

''Don't play that game with me G, what's the matter?''

Sighing again, Gina explained. ''You know when the girls started first grade, Jane and I had a 'talk''' she rolled her eyes using her fingers for demonstration the quotation marks.

''And….''

''She said our daughters couldn't be friend if I couldn't let her go.''

''So where is the problem, that was months ago?''

''I still love her Dana,'' came the exasperated reply. ''And now she's with that,'' she pointed to the back of Maura's Mercedes as it went out of view. ''which means she was really serious about us not getting back together''

''You're my friend Gina, you and Jane _both_ are, and you know I won't lie to you. You knew exactly what Jane wanted from you, and you sorta messed it up''

''I know,'' she sighed once again. ''Its just that when it was all happening, I couldn't look at it objectively. I mean, she hated that Steven was a large part of Kim's life. And at the time I felt like she was sort of jealous because the twins don't have a father. I _couldn't_ see past that. I couldn't see that she just hated the idea of having to sort of share me, and having to watch me go over to Steven's to drop Kim several times, and having him drop by anytime he wanted. And in retrospect, it wasn't fair to the twins either.''

''It was a difficult situation,'' Dana comforted.

''I just…how do you make a situation like that work you know? I couldn't cut Steven out of Kim's life for good. At the same time I wanted all three of our girls to be equal, to have the same life and experiences. And how could I not have a kind of relationship with Steven, he's the father of my child! Its not like it was romantic, I'm not even attracted to men. That was an era in judgement _years_ ago.''

''Maybe that just proves than nothing _can _be done''

''I suppose. I still love her though''

''I know you do. So remind me again why you are taking Kim to that woman's house''

''Oh, that's just me being nosey,'' Dana loved that Gina had her humour, even though she could tell the woman was heartbroken and regretful. They hadn't talked about the fact that Jane was in hospital, Dana knew that gnawed at Gina's heart. And that she would be restless until she was sure her former lover was alright.

They walked back to their cars and waved each other off. None of them realized that Kimberly, even though appearing to be immersed in her game with Lisa, caught every bit of that conversation.

* * *

**AN: I'm kinda curious to hear what you guys think of _this _chapter...**


	6. Chapter 6

**"All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. "  
― Erma Bombeck**

''You're smart right?'' asked Maura Keira.

''I am, yes''

''So you can help me with my math word problems. Because Mama always helps me…'' the girl left the sentence hanging.

''It will be my pleasure dear.''

''You also have to help Eva. She doesn't like to do maths, so I always have to remind Nana or Uncle Frankie to make sure she does her homework''

''Kie!'' scolded the girl in question.

''What?'' Keira looked at her dubiously.

Eva just grunted, she knew she'd never be able to get away with it – between Maura and her sister, that combination was even worse than her mother and her sister.

They got back to the Rizzoli household for the second day. Maura helped them clean up their room and the house, and then do their homework. The doctor was nothing if not respectful, so she kept Jane's bedroom door closed and tried as much as she could not to touch anything in the house unnecessarily. She didn't even venture too much into the kitchen. They ordered a pizza and watched something on Disney Channel called ''Jessie'' which seemed to amuse the girls very much. Maura found absolutely nothing entertaining about it, but rather enjoyed watching the girls instead.

It was strange, how two days with these kids could make her question her whole life. Kids she had cried about wanting, but now wondered how she would have done it. She was exhausted from talking and compromising, and censoring herself. She didn't like the television programmes or the food they were eating. She wanted to tell them to watch something educational, and to read books, and to sit on the table to have meals and to be eating something healthy and nourishing.

But they weren't hers, and she had no right to. Wouldn't that be offending Jane in essence?

Which lead to her thinking that if she had her own kids that's what she would do. Would that make it so bad? Would her children hate her? Or would they have been already accustomed it? Was it bad parenting all in all – being that strict?

And anyway, if she _did _have the kids, maybe she would have become somewhat lax in her mannerism and beliefs.

She didn't know anything anymore.

It was very disconcerting.

The rest of the day passed without incident.

* * *

A new kind of fear introduced itself to Maura now, and the most frightening thing about it was that it seemed to be the most intense kind of fear she'd ever experienced. The type of fear that had the potential to leave the most disastrous consequences.

Attachment!

It had been two weeks since Jane had been in a coma. Maura had been to see her every single day. It had become something of a routine. Early in the morning, before work and before anyone else was likely to be around to see Jane, Maura would enter the hospital room. The blonde always stood lightly leaning against Jane's bed, and spoke to her. The first few days it had been tentative and strange, but now the one-sided conversation seemed to flow easily.

Maura would give Jane a detailed account of her time with the girls, taking care not to leave anything out. She knew Jane needed to hear it, needed to know that her girls were fine and being well looked after.

Every time Maura spoke to Jane, she noticed the movements behind those closed eyelids. It was indiscernible, but Maura could see that the movements had become a tad more rapid and the twitching had increased as well.

All good signs.

But that scared Maura a bit though. She wasn't sure how she'd converse with Jane once she was conscious. How the brunette would react, _if _she'd even want her there every morning. Would Jane be grateful? Would she be upset? Would Jane demand that her children be released from the care of a near stranger? Would Jane be unhappy with some of the things Maura had shared with her children?

There were so many variables.

And Maura would _never _admit it, even to herself, but part of her just wished Jane would remain in a coma just a little longer. Not because she was evil, but purely because she was scared.

She watered and rearranged the flowers effortlessly, and then left – just like every other morning.

* * *

It was the second weekend, and the girls had been crying and begging to see their mother. All had been fun and games, but they were now fussing about needing to see their Mama. Nothing Angela was saying could appease the girls. They were now worried and confused. Previously when their mother was in hospital they had been allowed to visit her at their leisure, but now all of a sudden they couldn't.

It was no longer sitting well with them.

That Saturday morning Angela had had a near impossibly time trying to get them out of bed so they could at least eat breakfast. She was beginning to feel that she'd have to take them to the hospital for a few minutes and just tell them Jane was asleep.

But they had discussed this many times before, and Jane had stressed that she didn't want her girls seeing her in any state that could potentially traumatise them.

This qualified as such.

The detective looked half dead. She lay still on the bed, looking pale with a bandage to the back of her head and several machines still attached to her. The doctors were saying she was doing alright, and that there was hope she could be out of her coma anytime soon.

But the twins wouldn't understand that. The image would haunt them in their dreams and Angela couldn't do that to her beloved grandkids.

So she called Maura.

Her saving grace for the past two weeks.

''Maura dear, I hope I haven't caught you at a bad time''

''_No, its fine Angela. Is everything okay?'' she was suddenly panic stricken._

''I didn't mean to scare you, I'm so sorry. Everything is okay. It's just…the kids''

''_Are they alright? Do you need me to come?''_

''I know you will be here tomorrow to get them for the day. But I just can't seem to find a way to distract them. They're never like this,'' she sighed heavily.

Silence descended upon them.

Maura _was_ busy. This weekend was really not a good time to entertain them. And when she had made plans to babysit two more children on Sunday she hadn't thought it through carefully. She was drowning with the impending one day already, never mind adding another one to it.

Not being able to lie as she was, she was going to say just that to Angela, when she heard one of the girls crying in the background.

Eva!

She immediately recognised it was her.

''_Why don't you bring them over to me for the weekend, and you can have some time to relax'' she heard herself say. That cry tugged at her heart strings. There suddenly wasn't anything else in the world she would rather be doing. Everything else would have to wait._

''I don't….I mean…are you sure? Because-''

''_Its fine Angela. Rescheduling my plans would be no problem at all. Bring them over''_

Angela thanked her profusely, unable to find adequate words to describe what the help meant to her.

When she told Keira and Eva that they would be going over to Maura's place a day early and spending the night there, the girls could hardly contain themselves. It proved to be just the distraction they needed. All thoughts of their mother were not completely banished, but the prospect of a weekend away greatly alleviated their concerns.

''And she has a pool,'' Eva gushed.

''I bet she knows how to swim. She knows _everything. _She can teach us,'' added Keira.

Angela smiled, as she watched the girls pack their bags going on and on about the great Doctor Isles.

* * *

Meanwhile over in Beacon Hill, the atmosphere was vastly different.

''I thought this is what you spent the past years trying to avoid'' Sharon said, confused.

''I know, it's just that….'' Maura wasn't sure how to complete that sentence.

''This isn't going to end well. I'll just put it on record that I warned you''

''It's just a night their spending here Sharon. And the days,'' she added quietly.

''You have spent just about every day with them for the past two weeks. They are _all _you have talked about since as well. I was hoping for some quality time….just _us,_ before I have to leave again''

''I'm sorry. They just needed my help. Remember you even said this was good for me-''

''But it's starting to go a little too far honey''

Maura rounded the kitchen island to press herself into her wife's back, planting a soft kiss to her shoulder.

''I'm sorry,'' she offered.

''It's alright,'' Sharon resigned herself to the fate of their weekend. ''We'll just play mommies for a couple of days'' she smiled.

Maura was unsure if it was a joke, or a jibe, but she decided she wouldn't dwell on it.

* * *

''Keira darling, be careful not to pass the middle,'' Maura cautioned.

''Yeah I know. You said not to pass the holes there,'' the girl spread her arms apart pointing to the two openings on either side of her.

Sharon stood by the balcony in their bedroom gazing down upon the three. Her wife was sitting in her green one-piece costume on the first step into their bean-shaped swimming pool. The crystal blue water and blue tiling matched well with Maura's green gear. Eva was pulling her up so she could join them further into the water. Keira was a little further away, trying to do star jumps right at the centre of the pool, making sure not to cross over to the deep-end.

''I'm happy just watching you from here'' Maura tried to assure the girls.

''No, join us. Pretty pretty pretty please,'' Eva begged, needless. Because Maura was already in the water, with no chance of ever declining the irresistible offer.

''I don't wish to wet my hair though'' she tried to say sternly.

Just as the sentence had just left her mouth, the twins simultaneously splashed water in her hair.

''Oh my God!'' she gasped. But before she could recover, the girls splashed her yet again. And now her hair was thoroughly soaked.

The girls giggled as they hurriedly hoisted themselves out of the water, circling the pool trying to get out of Maura's reach.

''Oh now you are in trouble young ladies,'' Maura mimicked their actions, running around the pool after them.

Sharon couldn't believe her eyes. Her wife was not a playful person – never ever! And the woman was very particular about her hair. There wouldn't ever be an occasion that would necessitate her having to dip it in chlorinated water. But here she was, running around the pool with wet hair after two little girls. It was like a movie. Sharon would have never imagined it, not in her wildest dreams. She took her phone out and took a few recordings and snap shots.

* * *

''I vote for pizza'' Eva said enthusiastically.

''I vote for fires and chicken nuggets'' her sister countered.

''Well, I vote for something healthy'' Maura added. The two girls made identical looks of disgust. ''We really must eat something that contributes to your body development and brain-''

''Okay okay fine,'' Eva halted her. She had quickly learnt of Maura's habit of going on and on about every little thing.

The trio were sitted in the kitchen in their bathing suits, trying to figure out what to eat for lunch.

''Can we have a picnic?'' Keira shared her epiphany.

''Of course. I will prepare some quick wraps and fruit then we can eat by the lawn''

''Excellent. We'll set it up.'' The kids jumped into action and set off to create their picnic scene.

...

''What are you doing Maura?'' Sharon asked as she entered the kitchen.

Maura knew she didn't mean that in the literal sense. ''Sharon, please''

''I think I have a right to know. In fact, I believe I have a say in the matter,'' the woman raised her voice a little.

''Sharon!''

''No Maura. You've suddenly become a baby sitter to these kids I know nothing off. Their own _mother_ doesn't even know of this. And you're forgetting yourself. You're starting to get too involved and it's going to _break_ you when their mother is back and isn't interested in you spending time with them.''

Maura ignored her, because she knew it was the truth.

''I missed you terribly. I miss you _now. _You won't even give me a moment. Since they've been here you've barely looked at me''

''You refused to join us,'' Maura said calmly as she continued making lunch. She could hear the girls laughing about outside.

''Because I don't understand what all this _is''_ Sharon flailed her hands about.

''_This _is me helping,'' Maura dropped the knife in her hand onto the surface with a loud clunk.

''This is you getting yourself into a whole chunk of trouble. Or is this your way of getting back to me?'' Sharon sounded wounded. She _was _wounded.

''How could you say that?''

''_Because_ Maura. You will never forgive me for not wanting kids as much as you do. I _had _to have a hysterectomy Maura. I wasn't going to risk cancer for children I didn't particularly want! And then _you _wanted to move here, and I agreed to it for _you_. Now somehow I'm the bad guy. Now you resent me for not being around most of the time.''

It was all nicely summed up in one go. All their problems arranged neatly into a box and tied with a bow.

And now Maura started to cry. Because once again, everything Sharon had said was true. About a year after they met Sharon underwent surgery. Her mother suffered from the same type of cancer that eventually killed her four years ago. And because Sharon was at a high risk of suffering the same fate, she had her womb, cervix, and ovaries removed. Maura had asked her to wait a bit and maybe try having one child before the procedure but Sharon had not been interested. When they lived in California, most of Sharon's work was also nearby. But from far east, she now has to travel further and be away longer.

''I'm so sorry'' Maura hiccuped, falling into Sharon's open arms. ''I'm so selfish…and…and, it just hurts _so much,''_ Maura cried. It had been a while since she'd broken down in her wife's arms over the 'baby' issues.

''It's alright love,'' Sharon attempted to console her. It was going to take more than that, obviously, but it was a start. She had mastered that particular trade of comforting Maura ages ago. ''Just….just tone it down a bit okay? It's hard I know, but just promise me you'll try not to get too attached''

Maura nodded, but it was too late. She was already attached. And this may very well be the beginning of the end for her. If this goes terribly wrong, she'll never recover – and she knows.

''Maura! What's taking so long?'' an oblivious Eva calls out, impatient as always.

''I'm almost done'' Maura replies immediately, quickly untangling herself from her wife, wiping away her tears and finishing off her task. And in that minute Sharon knows it too, Maura is so far gone, and she is going to have to clean up the mess when the Rizzoli children walk out of her life.

Maura walks out with a tray in her hand and sees the girls lying down on top of the towels they had spread on the grass a small distance from the pool.

''Thank you girls. You seem to have set it up well.'' Her eyes had been dried of the tears and her quick pep-talk with Sharon had gone flying out the window the second the girls smiled at her.

''This isn't too bad'' Keira comments as she chews on her wrap.

''I told you''

Maura had made them spinach wraps with grilled chicken strips, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and a little mayonnaise. On the side they had a fresh-pressed orange juice and a fruit salad.

They enjoyed lunch as the girl chatted non-stop. Sharon joined them to eat eventually, and took on their questions in stride, glad that the girls didn't ask anything regarding their same-sex relationship. It seemed not to bother them in the slightest, and Sharon, who had never met Jane, wondered if the detective was a lesbian, or maybe bisexual to be precise. And then she found herself suddenly curious about the children's father.

''So where is your dad?'' Sharon blurted.

Maura's eyes flew wide open as she glanced in her wife's direction in utter shock. It's not as if Maura didn't want to know. In fact, she'd briefly obsessed over that particular detail, but had never found it within herself to ask anyone – especially not the children.

But now the question was out there.


	7. Chapter 7

''_So where is your dad?'' Sharon blurted._

''He died before me and Kie where born,'' Eva replied nonchalantly. Maura gasped lightly, while Sharon mumbled a 'sorry' quietly. ''It's okay. It doesn't make us sad because we don't know him. And we have Uncle Frankie, and Uncle Tommy, and Uncle Frost, and Uncle Korsak'' she said counting each of them on her fingers.

''You're very lucky girls,'' Maura smiled at them both.

''And now we have you'' added Keira brightly.

And Maura wanted to cry. Properly cry. Because her heart was being filled and breaking at the same time. She couldn't control her arms when they opened for the girls, who rushed to hug her tightly and placed sloppy kisses to whichever part of her they could access.

The fact that the twins were growing increasingly fond of Maura only served to make the problem worse. The minute things began to go downhill, not only would Maura be shattered, but the little girls would hurt too.

''So where do _you _work?'' Keira directed her attention to Sharon now. The girls didn't seem to care much for her. In a way, they probably sensed the iron gates that Sharon had already built and so they just stuck to Maura who had so freely opened herself up to them completely.

''I'm am a book illustrator''

''What's that?'' asked the ever curious Keira.

''You know when you read a book, it has words and pictures or charts or something?''

''Yes''

''So _my _job is to make diagrams that go along with the words. And also to create the covers of books.''

''So you make pictures for _all _books?'' she further inquired.

''Not all, no. Mostly wildlife and nature books.'' The girls didn't quite seem to understand. ''Let me show you,'' Sharon herded them to her study. The room was full of all sorts of things, the walls covered in pictures of all sorts of animals and her desk littered with papers and books.

''You see this book,'' Sharon lifted a manuscript from her desk. ''I came back from Arizona yesterday where I was working with the author of the book'' she presented the cover to the girls that read **''Javelina''. **''Bet you've never heard of that animal have you?''

''No,'' they chorused.

''Though some people think Javelina are a type of wild pig, they are actually members of the peccary family, a group of hoofed mammals originating from South America. Javelina are common in much of central and southern Arizona, including the outskirts of the Phoenix area, most of Tucson, and occasionally as far north as Flagstaff. Javelina form herds of two to more than 20 animals and rely on each other to defend territory, protect against predators, regulate temperature and interact socially. They use washes and areas with dense vegetation as travel corridors. Javelina are most active at night, but they may be active during the day when it is cold'' Sharon read a page from the book.

Both girls looked surprised at learning this, especially Keira who had moved over to look at the pages herself. Eva had naturally gravitated to look at the pictures of all sorts of animals on the walls.

''So now, I will add pictures and charts in the book that helps explain more about the animals''

As comprehension dawned, Keira began to explore more. Maura watched them from the door. This is what she loved the most about Sharon – her passion for her work. They were the same in that respect. Sharon had grown up in a wealthy family. Her future had been predetermined to be that of the corporate world, where she was expected to fulfil duties regarding their family business.

That didn't interest her.

She wanted to be out in the field doing hands-on work. She loved animals, all kinds. And she loved to travel all over the world learning all that she could about them and taking endless photographs.

So she had abandoned the family business, took her portion of the wealth and went her desired way. Her family hadn't been happy, just like Maura's family hadn't been particularly pleased that she was a pathologist. But they had both chose their way and stood by it. That drive and passion and focus is what endeared Sharon to Maura. The blonde loved people that knew who they were and that believed in that and stood for it.

Much like Sharon.

And as she watched her wife gush about her job, she was reminded why she fell in love with her all those years ago.

But that was short lived, as a new thought entered her head. The picture before her is one that she had dreamed off when she married the woman. Maura had envisioned Sharon imparting her knowledge to their children. She'd pictured how she would just watch them spend the afternoon doing just this. But now, this wasn't the case. This was _her _wife with someone else's children. Because _she _couldn't have children of her own. She would never stop reminding herself of this.

After seeing Sharon's work space, Maura introduced the girls to Bass. Their excitement was contagious as they watched the large and uncommon pet. Maura explained that Bass was withdrawn and probably not too well so they fed him and quickly let him be.

* * *

It occurred to Maura later that afternoon that she hadn't had the rooms ready for the children to sleep in.

''We have to go and pick up a few things for the children,'' Maura said to Sharon.

''What _things?_'' the wife raised her eyebrows suspiciously.

''You know, bed linens and _the beds_'' she shrugged.

''Maura, they aren't moving _in. _They're just spending the weekend. It hardly seems necessary to go through that much trouble''

''It's no trouble,'' the blond supplied quickly.

Sharon just shook her head. There was no winning when it came to those two girls it appeared.

''I'll just get some work done while you go out shopping''

''You know they need this right. Honey, their mother is fighting for her life, and they have been so worried and I'm just trying so hard to get their minds off that for a day. Is that too much to ask?''

''Your heart is in the right place my love, it always is. Just do what you have to do. I'll make dinner''

''Thank you'' Maura kissed her gratefully, as she hurried to get the girls ready for their outing.

Over the phone she quickly made on order for two bedroom sets to be delivered and assembled that evening. The cost was of no consequence at all to her.

Sharon sighed as the three left. She was having so many mixed feeling it hurt. She was mainly pissed at her wife. On Monday she would be flying back to Arizona for another week, and Maura can't even give her a little attention for the four days she has in Boston. Sharon was mad that she feels like she has to compete with some seven years old girls for her wife's affections. These girls just swooped into their lives from nowhere and now all of a sudden it's like she's invisible.

She wasn't completely surprised if she was honest with herself anyway. Sharon had seen this happen to her elder brother and to two of her friends. Once the kids came along, one spouse suffered neglect. It obviously didn't happen to everyone, but the three people she'd seen it happen to were enough to convince her that once she got married she wouldn't want kids.

When Maura stressed her need for kids, she ended up having to alter her mind-set, because she loved the blonde. But everything inside of her told her it was the correct road to disaster. And if she had doubts before, she was sure now.

This is what her life was going to be like if they had had children. Boy was she glad that it didn't happen. Now she just had to hope and pray that one Jane Rizzoli got her act together pretty quickly, because this was started to really affect her – negatively!

* * *

Meanwhile Maura was having the time of her life. They went to a department store in the mall, where for the first time she found herself in the children's section. It was exhilarating.

''Which one do you like?'' she asked Eva as they stood in front of a vast array of bedding.

''The polka dot one'' she picked without hesitation.

Maura threw it in the cart immediately and walked over to little Keira, who she knew would have a harder time deciding.

She was right. ''I don't know whether to get the one with flowers, or butterflies, or just the swirls''

''The one with butterflies looks pretty'' Maura helped.

''Okay, so I'll get that one''

And because Maura had a natural weakness for shopping, they left the store with several bags. The girls had picked numerous toys and a few clothes.

...

Sharon had made a spinach and ricotta cheese quiche for dinner when the trio made it back around 6pm. ''Hey you guys'' she greeted cheerfully.

''Hi'' the girls replied in unison, sitting themselves on the couch as if they were in their own home. It was so effortless how they blended in.

''Hello darling'' Maura kissed Sharon on the cheek, the joy radiating from her in waves.

''My, you seem happy. And you sure did a lot of shopping''

''Couldn't help myself'' Maura said sheepishly as she sat some bags on the ground. ''I'll go and get the rest''

''The rest…'' Sharon gasped as Maura's form disappeared.

...

After dinner, which the girls thoroughly enjoyed though they looked disgusted at first, three men came with the furniture. It was all half assembled and took less than an hour to get the beds and dresser sets in each room. When they left Maura spread the beds and tidied the rooms while the girls watched television with Sharon.

She tried her best to make the rooms comfortable and put away their things into the drawers. Maura marvelled at her handy work. This is how she had always envisioned those rooms to look. Colourful and littered with toys and small clothes.

The girls were so excited to have their own rooms. Eva, because she over exerts herself (Maura had noticed) fell asleep first and rather quickly. Sharon carried her into her bedroom and carefully tucked her in. Keira appeared a little restless though.

''What's the matter sweetheart?'' Maura worried.

''I want Mama'' the girl teared up.

Of course.

Maura had been foolish and naïve to think she could be enough for then. Angela had called three times during the day, and she'd assured her all was well. When the elder woman warned that Keira especially could be a little distressed before bed, Maura had brushed it off telling Angela that she would handle it.

As it turned out, she couldn't.

''It's okay sweetie, it'll be fine.'' Maura attempted.

This didn't help. Keira curled up into a ball onto the covers in her monkey pyjamas presenting the epitome of cuteness as she cried.

Maura's heart shattered into a million pieces.

She wasn't enough.

Of course she wasn't, she isn't their mother.

''What would you like me to do?'' Maura cooed, prepared to do anything under the sun for the girl. There wasn't anything off limits.

''Mama sometimes sleeps with me when I'm sad'' she sniffed.

''Okay. Do you want me to sleep with you in here?''

''Yes''

Maura wasn't sure how that worked exactly, but she was determined to figure it out.

...

''So you aren't even going to sleep with me tonight'' Sharon said. It wasn't a question. She saw Maura change into her night wear and prepare to leave the room.

''Keira is crying, I can't just let her sleep alone.''

''Maybe you should have considered that when you put them in separate rooms'' Sharon shot back.

Again, her wife was right. It hadn't even occurred to her that the girls were accustomed to sharing a room. And she had easily got lost in their excitement for having separate rooms. Clearly the implication hadn't even fully crossed the children's minds earlier either.

''I never considered it, yes. But what can I do now?''

Sharon closed her book and sank in between the sheets. ''Goodnight'' she said.

It marked the end of the conversation. She was upset, and Maura knew it. But as it turned out, suddenly, Keira mattered more.

Sharon pushed back her short brown curly hair. Some of it had a habit of falling over her face when she slept so she quickly pinned it to the side, settling back down into bed. Her long legs and arms moved over Maura's empty side of the bed as she groaned. Added to her annoyance and disapproval towards Maura's behaviour was her own sexual frustration. She hadn't had sex since almost three weeks ago when she left for Arizona. Pleasuring herself didn't really count in her books. She missed her beautiful wife's meticulous fingers and bruising kisses when she was nearing an orgasm. She missed her wicked grin when she thrust into her extra hard. And damn it did she miss the way Maura's hands travelled all over her body when they were in no hurry at all.

She missed it all. And yet her wife was under the same roof as her.

Maura guiltily hurried back to Keira, where the girl offered her space on her bed before Maura could even ask. Immediately, Keira burrowed herself into Maura's chest as her hand held onto the edge of the blonde's pyjama shirt.

And to Maura's great surprise, the girl stuck her thumb into her mouth and sucked on it as she absently ran the garment between her forefinger and thumb. Maura would never have guessed that she was a thumb sucker. She certainly never did it during the day. It was probably a habit she was in the process of getting out of, and had only now began to indulge herself at night time when no one else was there to witness it.

The girl was asleep in no time, never letting go of Maura. The blonde breathed in the scent of the girl, her child-like smell. She held onto her as well. And that night, she fell asleep to the sounds of Keira sucking onto her thumb. And she was sure it was the best lullaby in the world.

Tomorrow held its own mysteries.

* * *

**AN: I like visualising people, so those on tumblr, i posted some pictures of what Sharon looks like in my head (i know i know, who the f*** cares, she's not Jane.) Well, just for those who are interested, haha. She's like Keri Russell in her short curly hair days. I'll find the twins soon and post that as well. **


	8. Chapter 8

**You can't calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.**

Maura didn't have a peaceful night at all. She may have drifted off for only an hour at a time before waking up again. Her periods of sleep throughout the night where tormented with unidentifiable faces and places occupying her dream-filled state. When she woke during the night, it was to be reminded yet again that she was sharing the bed with Keira.

''Good morning,'' a voice whispered.

It sounded like a dream to Maura. There were times during the night that she couldn't have been sure whether she was actually sleeping or if she was in the present.

''Morning Maura,'' the voice whispered again, so close to her ear she could feel the air of someone's breath.

''Maybe we should let her sleep,'' a much more distant voice said.

''But I'm hungry,'' came a whine.

And with that Maura found herself fulling meeting consciousness.

_Is it that maternal instinct people talk about? _That was her first thought as she awoke. _These are not your children, you do not have children! _THAT was her second thought.

Euphoria, meet devastation.

''Maura, I'm hungry.'' Eva. Maura would know that small voice a_nywhere. _

''Good morning sweethearts,'' the blonde finally stretched, trying very quickly to slip away from her state of slumber.

The girls sandwiched her on the full-sized bed, both propped on their elbows peering down at her with huge smiles on their faces.

She smiled. What a wonderful way to wake up. She could certainly get used to it.

''I'm sorry I slept for so long''

''It's okay. It's still really early. Mama doesn't like to wake up very early too on the weekends. But she lets us make our own cereal and watch cartoons while we wait for her,'' Eva rattled on.

''Can we do that?'' Keira asked before Maura could digest it all and formulate a response.

''Make cereal?'' Maura questioned, unsure what the girls were referring to exactly.

''Yeah''

''Of course. Will you be okay though?''

''Yes. You can sleep, Sharon showed us how to turn the tv on''

''Alright. Call me if you need anything. I'll be down soon''

The two quickly climbed off the bed, and ran out of the room at a speed that left Maura ill at ease. She smiled as their figures disappeared though. Their messy hair and cute pyjama's made Maura's heart expand with love.

_Love? _''No,'' she shook her head. She didn't want to acknowledge it, but she had fallen in love with the girls. She had fallen in love with someone else's children.

Not wanting to dwell on that lost cause any further, she hoisted herself off the bed and neatly spread it. She attempted to tidy up the little bit of the mess the girls had made before making her way to Eva's room.

Yes, it was her room now.

After sorting that one out too, she headed for her bedroom. The clock in the hallway read 7:05 a.m. It was certainly too early for a weekend, even by _her _standards. Added to her fatigue was the small fact that she hadn't slept well, never mind the emotional turmoil she was going through.

As she made her way to the master bedroom, she heard the girls giggling and running about in the kitchen.

They would be fine for a short time while she brushed her teeth and washed her face.

Sharon was awake and reading a book when Maura walked in. ''Morning,'' she said tentatively. She wasn't sure where things were with her wife exactly, given the note they parted at the previous night.

''Morning'' Sharon sounded indifferent.

''I'm sorry about last night,'' Maura apologized sincerely as she made her way towards the woman.

Sharon wouldn't say it was okay, because it wasn't. And she wouldn't say that either, because she didn't wish to get into a fight so early in the day – with all they had yet to face.

''Come here,'' she beckoned for Maura, who easily made her way over to the bed a little faster. ''I missed you you know. I _miss _you,'' Sharon said seductively.

''Honey…'' Maura tried to warn her, already having an idea of where things were headed.

''I really really want you,'' Purposeful kisses landed on Maura's shoulders and neck relentlessly.

''The girls,'' Maura worried, trying softly to put some distance.

''They'll be fine. We'll be quick babe,'' Sharon didn't stop her kisses. She slid her tongue over Maura's neck and grazed her teeth as she sucked on a particularly sensitive spot.

''Sharon,'' Maura moaned now, making no move to stop the woman.

''I want to do this together,'' she said as she settled on top of Maura. Her hand took an exploratory route towards Maura's centre, already grinding into the woman.

...

Their session didn't take much time, they both needed the release and their starved period didn't make for slow love making.

''God I'd missed you,'' Sharon commented again as she held onto her wife, both of them trying to catch their breaths after their early morning 'quickie'.

Maura said nothing.

''I have to go and check on the girl,'' she then said after a few seconds.

''Sure''

Sharon was blissfully satiated and smiled at her wife as she cleaned herself up and left the room.

Maura was only marginally satisfied. Sex with her wife had lost its spark as soon as they got to Boston about a year ago. Something was missing, and Maura just couldn't figure out what it was. What she did know was that it had nothing to do with children. No! Not this time. It was just between her and Sharon. That connection they had was no longer there for whatever reason. She loved Sharon, but now she was starting to wonder whether she was no longer _in love _with her. Her feelings for the woman were not as strong as they were before.

Or maybe they were just at different points in their lives now.

Maura had never quite understood when people said that statement. But as she made her way down stairs, she started to look deeply into that saying. Her and Sharon somehow no longer shared much in common. Sharon was happy, had her dream job and travelled wherever she desired doing her work. She was good at what she did, and she had friends and all the support in the world she needed. But for Maura things just weren't that rosy. And one of the problems was that Sharon didn't even realise it. Maura was _so _unhappy and unfulfilled. She thought the move to Boston, the change would be just what she needed.

It had been. But for other reason, and that had been short lived anyway. The emptiness was still there. The yearning and desire for more hovered around her like a shadow all day long. And she hadn't the faintest idea where to begin to search for the completion she needed.

But today, on that Sunday morning, she didn't have to dig deep. The joyous laughter from the little girls in her house just about righted her world. For today, she knew she would be fine. For today she would be fulfilled, and happy and absolutely….busy.

''That was Eva,'' Keira pointed at her sister's sloppy mess the second Maura stepped into the kitchen.

''It was heavy,'' the girl in question defended herself as she climbed on a chair and then the counter top to reach for some paper towel.

She had spilt some milk, luckily not much.

''Sweetie I think you should come down,'' Maura walked quickly towards Keira was also stood on the other counter top opening and closing cupboards in search of something.

''I was looking for some cereal. But there's only the yucky stuff like Lisa's mum has''

Ahhhh, Lisa.

''Your friends will be here at noon. Why don't I make you something and we can get washed and ready huh?''

''Yay,'' Eva clapped her hands excitedly as she dashed out of the room, and then made an about turn after remembering something. ''Can I feed Bass, Maura?''

''Of course dear.''

''Heeeeey,'' whined Keira. ''I wanna feed him too''

''Ok. Why don't _you_ take the strawberries and _you_ take the lettuce,'' Maura pointed to the girls respectively as she pulled out the food items from her fridge. The twins were all too happy to be given such an 'important' chore and hurried off to where Bass was quietly settled in the lounge.

Maura, left to her own devices in the kitchen scratched her head as she tried to think of what best to make for breakfast. Eventually she set about making a pot of oats and preparing some fruit and yoghurt.

As she set the table, she couldn't recall the last time it had ever been made ready for breakfast. In fact, since being in Boston, they should have only ever used it four times max., when their friends from California had visited.

Now she found herself humming to an unknown melody as spread a cloth and set some plates. It felt so domestic and wonderful in that minute such that she was ready to quit her job and dedicate herself to this for the rest of eternity.

...

Just as she suspected, the girls moaned and groaned about Maura's breakfast choice. But also like Maura suspected, they enjoyed it. They had rather excellent appetites and Maura was glad she didn't have to feed anyone. With all the oatmeal, fruit and yoghurt, and juice wiped out, the little ones were energized for their day activities.

Maura smiled as she watched them dutifully take their plates to the sink and rush to sit in front of the television. For the first time in her life since early childhood, the blonde's television was turned on to a cartoon. She did the dishes catching glimpses of the famous Spongebob, which she actually had to admit was pretty entertaining.

''We have to take a bath girls,'' Maura called out to them as she checked her watch which read 9:40. Sharon was in her office working. And Maura was astonished to find that since the twins came the previous morning, she had not read a single thing. Actually, she had not even thought about work for even a minute.

_Where parents this unproductive? _She thought.

No, it surely couldn't be. There were billions of parents in the world who still accomplished great things. _Jane _did. But she just couldn't imagine tearing her attention from the girls to focus on something as trivial as work.

When had her work become insignificant?

The great Doctor Isles had a lot to learn it turned out.

''I don't like showers,'' Keira announced.

''You can have a bath sweetie, you don't have to take a shower.''

''Can I share a bath with Kie?''

''Of course''

But then she started thinking. Would they fit in the main tub together? Possibly. It appeared as if this was a regular occurrence. And sure enough their condo tub couldn't be any bigger than hers. Could it?

There was so much she didn't know.

''You can use the tub in my room. I'm sure you'll fit perfectly in there''

Maura thought Eva had enough energy for the whole world as she bounded up the stairs in a fast run. Keira, Maura was learning each day, was a tad clingier than her twin. She wanted Maura to carry her up the stair, and the blonde would never decline even though she had never done anything like that before. Keira settled comfortable on her hip as they followed Eva to Maura's room.

Once when Sharon's brother's daughter had come for one afternoon to their home almost four years ago, Maura had quickly found herself annoyed at how the little girls hands seemed to land on everything – like magnet. The girl had fast turned their house upside down, throwing her clothes everywhere, tangling Maura's jewellery and trying on her shoes which were eventually left unmatched and in the wrong boxes.

Maura had been furious and never wanted children at her house again (except her own).

But now, she smiled as she watched Keira and Eva explore her bedroom like it was the most perfect place in the world. They left no stone unturned, browsing through the dresses in her walk-in closet and the shoe boxes. They tried some of her jewellery and her lipstick, mimicking how Maura sounded when she tried to be stern about their schoolwork.

Yes, Maura got a good laugh from the girls. And it didn't matter to her that her shoes where scattered, or that they had messed her bed by jumping on it, or that some of her nail vanish was left opened. Nothing mattered other than the huge bright smiles on the girls faces as they shed their pyjama's to step into the Jacuzzi tub in Maura's en-suite.

''This is so cool,'' Eva commented.

Maura blushed, suddenly feeling shy. The girls where stark naked as they submerged themselves into the warm water. The blonde wasn't sure whether to look to the side, or whether to leave and give them privacy.

''_They're seven for goodness sake,'' _she admonished herself.

''Mama washes us every weekend,'' Keira instructed. ''She says it's because we do it ourselves over the week so she has to make sure we're super clean''

''_Of course! This isn't going to be easy on me is it?'' _she thought.

Maura battled with herself while the girls enjoyed the jets and played with the soap. Steeling herself, she got a couple of wash clothes and larger drying towels. As it turned out, the task wasn't as daunting as it appeared to be.

After cleaning the two small bodies, she helped them dress up and get ready. That proved to be more difficult than she had anticipated. Keira changed from one attire to the next, and wanted her hair done in a specific way. Eva didn't want to brush her teeth, or her hair, and refused to wear the lovely dress Maura thought looked absolutely gorgeous on her. After a truck load of effort, they eventually looked presentable for their guest, who were due in about half an hour.

Sharon had been sweet enough (or maybe she was just dying to escape the noise in the house) to run to the store and pick up some food items the girls would enjoy with their friends. She was also to buy some 'play doh' and several different floats to use in the pool.

All in all they were set for the day. Maura a nervous wreck, Sharon rather bored and annoyed, Eva and Keira so excited they could float into the heavens.

Exactly ten minutes after noon, Dana and her daughter Lisa showed up, Gina with her little Kim in tow. Indeed, it was going to be an eventful day.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Loose reference to the novel 'Dear Thing' down there for those that have read it. In fact, I got the idea of this fic from that book (just the idea, it will obviously not play out like that at all). For the guests that asked, YES, this IS a Rizzles fic. **

**I like this chapter very much for some reason. Please treat it kindly….**

**I'm also not sure if it's dramatic enough, or too dramatic for you…oh well, here goes.**

* * *

Gina's eyes scanned every inch of the house with purpose as Maura politely herder the lot in. The four girls had scampered of in another direction as soon as the door had been opened, leaving Maura to yell out a ''be careful'' behind their backs.

''Could I offer you anything to drink?'' Maura asked the ladies as they settled into the living room. ''I have some white wine or red if you prefer''

''White please,'' Dana answered.

''I'll have the same,'' Gina said distractedly. She was trying to soak up as much as she could, but it proved to be much harder than she thought. Maura didn't have any photographs on the walls or any overly sentimental belongings. The place looked somewhat plain – gorgeous and expensive – but plain nonetheless.

''You have a wonderful home'' Dana made polite conversation as Maura brought the glasses to the ladies.

''Thank you''

''I'm amazed at how well you keep it with the kids around. Lisa and her brothers are like tornados. I couldn't imagine having any nice china or beautiful ornaments like you have''

Maura's smile was tight; she didn't know how to respond at all.

The children were her saving grace as they noisily made their way down the stairs. ''Can we show Bass to Lisa and Kim?'' Keira asked.

''Yes dear. Just _please _be careful while you run,'' she cautioned, sounding as if the girls held her heart in their hands. For the way she felt, they might as well have.

To Maura's great relief the conversation turned to their professions. They chattered for a short while, sipping on their chilled white wine.

''You must enjoy working with Jane,'' Gina said. This was, surprisingly, the first reference to Jane since the three had sat down.

''I enjoy my work, and I believe Jane does too,'' she answered as discreetly as she could.

''How is she doing now?'' Dana had to be the voice of reason for two reasons. She knew Gina, and she didn't know Maura. The outcome of the whole sit-together could almost be anything. Dana wasn't in the mood, and not with the children around. Being a mediator between Jane and Gina when they were together had been a job on its own. She didn't wish for a repeat.

''She was pretty much the same on Friday, but I'll be over to see her tomorrow morning. Angela says she hasn't improved much.'' The sadness in Maura's voice was enough to further convince the women that Jane and Maura were together, even though they didn't know that Maura was sad for herself mainly. Jane being okay meant no Keira and Eva for her. Which then had her wallowing in guilt.

''Well, we'll be on our way then. Is five o'clock okay, to pick up the girls I mean?''

''Of course. Five is alright. It was nice to see you again,'' Maura tore a leaf from her notes on propriety.

''Likewise,'' Gina lied.

Sharon chose that exact moment to return, just as Maura was walking back up the driveway. Gina and Dana had been in their respective vehicles as Sharon pulled up.

''I need to pick up some paper from the book shop. They didn't have the kind I needed in the supermarket,'' Sharon said to her wife as she unloaded two large plastic bags from the back seat.

''Sure. Thanks for getting these for us.''

Sharon planted a slow and passionate kiss to Maura lips before hurrying back behind the wheel. ''See ya,'' she winked as she drove off fast.

Dana and Gina had watched this exchange in stunned and horrified silence. From a distance they couldn't hear the conversation but had witnessed the actions very clearly. After driving a few houses from Maura's, both women pulled over and Gina literally ran to Dana's window, eyes wide as an owl.

''I knew something was off with that woman. I _knew _it!'' she exclaimed. ''All that politeness and fancy English, could have fooled _me,'' _she snorted.

''I can't believe she's cheating on Jane. With the poor woman in hospital and the children here,'' added Dana.

''_I _can believe it,'' snorted Gina again, hands on her waist in full gossip mode. ''Rich people and their sick entitlement issues. They want to have it _all,'' _she shook her head dramatically. ''I know Jane is hot but really! What could Rizzoli honestly bring to such a relationship? That Maura is totally _out _of her league. You saw the girlfriend! She drives a freaking Range Rover. And her house! They're rolling in money, and she's definitely using Jane for sex, or God knows what else. She must be on vacation with her girlfriend this whole time that Jane is sick.'' Gina went on. She was on a roll now. Dana hardly knew what to say. She cared deeply for both Jane and Gina, and the current situation was one she was ill equipped to handle. ''God I knew it,'' Gina smacked her hand at the top of Dana's Chevrolet. ''I have to tell Jane''

''Now calm down Gina. You-''

''She's _cheating _on Jane!''

''I was here remember, I saw what you saw. But you can't just rush to actions like that,'' came Dana's voice of reason.

''Fine'' she huffed. ''But just so you know, I won't be smiling at her when we come to get the kids. In fact, I think I should just take Kim''

''Gina!'' Dana exited the car and pulled her friend's hand. ''Can you calm down and let us get to the bottom of this sensibly, and reasonably. Jane is a grown woman'' when it looked like Gina was about to irrupt her she quickly continued, ''while I don't condone Maura's actions, I have to respect that it's not really any of my business''

''But Jane is our-, your friend,'' Gina said gloomily. ''We can't just know this and not tell her. If my girlfriend was ever cheating on me I'd prefer you let me know,'' she warned. ''And if I catch Mark in the middle of such an act rest assured he'll be coming home bruised.''

Dana laughed at her friend's loyalty. ''That's awfully sweet of you Gina. I think we should just be sure of everything before we start talking to Jane. In any case, she's still in a coma. It won't be a while before we can actually _say _anything''

''You're right, I'm sorry. It's just that-''

''I know Gina. You love her. And it hurts to see someone messing about with her heart when you know you can be good for her''

''Well said,'' Gina smiled sadly. ''I'll meet you here later?''

''Definitely. Don't go getting yourself all worked up today okay''

''I'll try''

They waved off to each other and went their separate ways.

* * *

Maura now had several various games laid out on the table by the back porch. On one side were the games she hoped the children would find amusing and on the other were a variety of snacks and drinks. It looked all put together, and Maura wished she could feel the same.

She was a mess!

Four kids! She had wiped sweat off her brows a few times already, and was more than ready to dip into the pool for a cooling.

The girls came pattering from the open door straight to where Maura stood and began talking right away. Lisa and Kim had been astonished to see a real live tortoise for the first time. Bass on the other hand had been over fed and quickly recoiled into his shell at all the squealing and hard pats and poking.

''Can we swim now?'' Eva asked.

''Sure.'' And Maura helped them to all change into their bathing suits. She couldn't believe five years ago she had willingly said she'd love three children. It was like a joke. They hadn't even made it into the pool yet but she was exhausted. After helping them change into their suits, she had to help blow the 'floaties' and put them onto the girls arms. The pump blew up the balls and ring-floats. Her pool looked like a scene from a beach party.

She loved it…..even though she was tired and still scared.

Kim and Lisa surprisingly took to her very well; she hadn't expected it at all. Although she noticed that Kim was a little weary of her. She couldn't find a reason why, but promised herself she'd rethink all her actions and words when directed to the girl so as not to frighten her any further.

With food close by, they easily spent the entire afternoon in the water. Occasionally they would jump out and make weird figures with the 'play-doh' and then jump back in. Sharon by this time had just decided to iron out some things before flying out the next day – no point staying home when your wife is preoccupied with other things is there?

...

''We need to get cleaned up girls, your mothers will be here to collect you shortly,'' Maura called out to Kim and Lisa. It was nearing half past four and Maura knew if she didn't get a move on things their mothers would be around to get them before they were ready.

The day hadn't been as dramatic as Maura had anticipated. She had quite enjoyed it actually. All four girls were reasonably well behaved – as much as seven year olds could be anyway – and heeded Maura's warning without question. All the activities thoroughly drained the blonde, but she had managed not to make a mess of things and in _her _book that was success.

The girls whined and complained about having to go home already, but ultimately made their way upstairs to get changed back to their clothes.

All children still had their limbs attached, she hadn't broken down in tears at any point. Maura was ecstatic. This was definitely emotional progress.

Unless it ended up being the case of 'one step forward, three steps back'.

She hoped not.

...

''….because this is our house now too,'' Maura heard Eva say just before she stepped into the room to check on them. She halted her steps immediately. _What?_

''How come you don't have all your things here?'' Kim then asked.

''Because we are still waiting for my mum to come out of hospital. Then we'll move'' Eva told her friend confidently, pulling her t-shirt on as Kim did the same.

''I don't like Maura''

Eva looked flabbergasted, '' _Why?''_

''If she wasn't together with your mum, you know, like grown-ups, then you and me and Kie would be sisters''

''Who said _that?''_ The girl's face creased with absolute contempt.

''My mum said so. She said to Lisa's mum that she loves _your _mum and that we used to be a family all of us, and we were sisters. But now we can't be anymore because your mum is now together with Maura''

Eva took a moment to absorb this. Here she was, lying to her friend that they lived in Maura's house because it was so cool, but suddenly the possibility was looking a bit like reality. And for a spilt second she was over joyed. Until she remembered…

''Maura's married,'' she said mostly to herself. Her young delusional mind hadn't even factored this in when she was telling Kim that they now lived there and that Jane would join them. But suddenly, all these pieces where coming together. But Kim was searching for her shorts and stuffing her few belongings in her bag in the process. She hadn't even heard Eva's shallow but devastated whisper.

At the door, Maura was like a block of ice, pale, solid and firmly in place. She couldn't for the life of her believe what she was hearing. It was all too much to take in and process at the same time.

So much drama, and yet Maura didn't even know the half of it that was brewing its way up her drive.

Gina rang the bell and impatiently waited for Maura to open it. She looked like someone ready to enter a ring-match with an opponent. Dana had intentionally arrived slightly early so as to wait for her very bitter friend. The last thing she needed was a verbal attack between the two women.

''Pull yourself together G,'' warned Dana.

Maura opened the door after a few seconds looking utterly shell shocked. She hadn't recovered from the conversation between Eva and Kim.

They quickly greeted each other – Maura looking vacant but polite, Gina looking vexed and ready to attack, Dana mildly confused and worried.

''We won't sit Maura, we really need to get the kids going and ready for school tomorrow,'' Dana began.

''Of course, I understand. It was really lovely having them over today. They are such wonderful girls''

''Please,'' Dana brushed her off, ''we should be thanking you for taking them off our hands for the afternoon. Lisa's brother were with friends as well, my husband and I were actually able to just enjoy the afternoon in peace,'' she blushed a little at her own subtlety, which Maura and Gina would have picked up on if they weren't too self-absorbed.

''Speaking of which, is your _friend _from earlier on around?'' Gina spat, all traces of decorum gone.

''_Excuse me?''_

''The woman you were kissing Maura,'' She added, exasperated.

''That's my _wife,'' _she spat back.

Oh snap!

''Really Maura, we apologize,'' Dana quickly tried to make peace, Gina now looking the confused one.

Oh assumption!

''Wait for us in the car won't you,'' Dana proceeded to tell the girls as they approached the action. ''Why don't you escort them huh,'' she directed to the twins.

The girls happily scurried off, leaving the adults to deal with the tension.

''You and Jane…'' Gina tried to ask.

''…aren't together. And I suggest the next time you make such assumptions, you speak away from the presence of children.'' When the two women appeared confused, she clarified. ''You might want to have a conversation with your daughter to straighten a few things out regarding whatever is happening between you and Jane. And leave me out of it while you're at that,'' Maura told Gina seriously. The ginger haired woman had never been so embarrassed in her _entire _life. If she hadn't been so shocked and mortified she may have found the decency to apologise to Maura. She couldn't even do that. She just simply walked away with the shake of her head.

''I'm terribly sorry Maura. We should never have jumped to such a conclusion,'' Dana tried to redeem the both of them.

Maura had calmed down marginally in the space of a few seconds. She never was one for being so overt with her emotions, especially anger. But she had just about had enough of being eyed like a dirty piece of cloth when she'd done nothing wrong.

''It's fine. I shouldn't have been so-''

''No! You had a right. It's just that we assumed you and Jane were together. And then we saw you kiss that woman, your wife I mean,'' she corrected herself, ''…and Jane is our friend, so you can image how we felt thinking that you were cheating on her''

''It's understandable.''

''Gina took it a little too personal, as you saw, because she and Jane used to be a couple.''

''Well I'm glad the misunderstanding is settled. Enjoy the rest of your day.'' Maura just wanted to have a nice long hot bath and then sit on her couch with a glass of wine. Before she could even fully picture that dream, the twins were running back towards her.

_There goes that, she sighed. _

Yes, parenthood isn't easy.

And now the girls needed to shower. And she needed to make dinner for them. Then she had to make sure their homework was done and their school things were all set. And that their uniforms were ready for the morning.

Yes, the plan when Angela left them was that they might as well just be dropped at school by Maura on Monday and Angela would get them afterwards.

It was tiring, just thinking about it. Because God knows Maura hadn't even started actually doing the work.

And then there was her wife. Not to mention the fact that she hadn't even made a dent in her own work. She had notes to review from a few autopsies and documents to sign off and Sharon was flying out the next evening.

Her head was spinning.

The day had been fun, in an escape kind of way. And now real life faced her, and she hadn't the faintest idea where to begin.

And then there was what she had heard Eva say to Kim. How would she even approach the girl regarding such a topic? Should she even address it at all? Or perhaps speak to Angela about it? Or Sharon….no, not her. Or maybe she could put some much needed distance between her and the girls?

She was losing her mind.

And then she looks down to the four bright brown eyes gazing at her with nothing but love and adoration. Smiling so brightly their lips could slid off their faces. So she picks Keira up – limbs a little too long for this action dangling around her - and settles her on her hip just like she likes, while Eva runs up the stairs just as _she _likes. And now they'll start with the bath, and work down the list from there. Because no matter how daunting it is, no matter how tired she is, no matter how confused and scared she is, there isn't anything in the _world _she'd rather be doing.

"**Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation." ― Robert A. Heinlein**

* * *

**AN: Oh….Jane is coming in the next chapter. Posted this today because the next chapter won't be until after the weekend. I have a date with one Jack Daniels. Thanks guys.**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: I fell ill on Sunday, after a particularly wonderful weekend. Without sounding dramatic, I can safely say it was a near near-death experience. Am recovering now, so my updates won't be daily. Probably every other day or two. Sorry for my mini disappearance. **

* * *

It was a job, a really damn tiresome job to open her eyes, but she did. Her mind was all muddled up, but there was one thing she knew for sure – that at a specific time each day, someone was there talking to her. She couldn't say what it was that person talked about obviously, but the voice was soothing and cheerful enough to make her look forward to this particular time.

Except today, that voice wasn't as lively as it normally was.

''…_.Please Jane. They are SO worried about you,''_ she heard that voice plead with her. And these are the first words that she can actually attach meaning to since ever being in the state she is. And even though she's tired and feels like a thick layer of concrete has been pasted on top of her, she does her absolute best to open her eyes. Because that voice is begging, and even in her dazed state she can decipher the undertones of tears.

And so she opens her eyes, and it's so bright that she has to quickly close them again as a growl escapes her very dry mouth.

She hears her gasp.

''Jane,'' Maura whispers, almost afraid that she had imaged everything.

And then Jane opens her eyes a little slower this time, until they are fully open. Maura actually lets out a sob. Because for the first time in her life she is completely overwhelmed with emotions that she can't do anything. Her mind has gone completely blank and her body is frozen.

So they just stare at each other in silence. This goes on for almost a whole minute until suddenly Maura rises from her chair, completely frantic such that Jane's heart monitor goes off immediately. Maura doesn't consider this as she runs, quite literally, to get the doctor.

Three doctors, including Maura and Jane, are congregated in the room in no time at all. And suddenly Maura feels like an intruder as the female doctor asks Jane questions and does an overall check-up. Quietly, she slips out of the room and remembers to call Angela - thankfully.

It's the Friday after the Sunday play-date. They actually have a routine now, so Maura knows exactly where Angela is. Early morning as it is, the Rizzoli matriarch is getting the kids ready for school.

''_I'm on my way right now Maura. Thank you sooooo much,'' _Angela says as if Maura had personal woken Jane up.

So Angela cancels school for the girls, because really, could there be anything more important? The girls had been even more difficult that week. Crying and begging for their mother. Everyone had been at wits end. So when Angela tells them that they are going to see their mum, even the young girls can't hold back their tears of joy. Because their small minds couldn't find the right words to express just how much they were missing their mother for the during of her 'illness'.

Maura stands against the wall rubbing imaginary goosebumps, or maybe they really are there – she can't be sure. She's so relieved that Jane is up. She's so happy for the entire Rizzoli family. But she is so scared. Terrified actually.

She looks on into the room through the window as the doctors perform their routine checks on Jane. Maura sees Jane nod and blink when prompted. She isn't sure if Jane is actually making sounds but she can see her lips move and the doctors' nod.

...

It's too soon. She cannot imagine how Angela has made it to the hospital that fast. It only seems like ten minutes since she called the woman. And down the hall, she sees Angela run towards the room, Keira and Eva in tow.

''Oh Maura, how is she?'' Angela asks loudly before she even gets to the blonde.

''I think she's okay,'' comes Maura's lower register. And before anything else can be said, the three barricade into Jane's room.

Maura is shattered.

She can feel the pieces of her heart falling to the ground one by one. Eva and Keira didn't so much as acknowledge her as they sprinted to their mother. She knew this would happen. That once Jane was alright her purpose would be served and she'd no longer be needed.

Knowing it and feeling it are two different things however.

''Mama!'' the girls cry as they rush to their mother's side. The doctors must have a small idea of the emotional turmoil the family has been through, because they stand back and let the girls climb onto Jane. And Jane is so happy and overwhelmed she hasn't the words at the moment. Her hands are like iron plates but she manages to lift them up so she can wrap one around each girl. And they all cry. Keira and Eva cling to their mother for dear life, and everyone else worries they may not be able to pry the girls away.

They stay like that for a long time, until Angela finally speaks – her throat had been clogged up since laying her eyes on her only daughter. ''Jane, how are you honey?'' she says as she moves to have her chance with her daughter. And Keira and Eva let her, if only for a few seconds before they fall back against their mother. Jane is so glad her body doesn't hurt, because she doesn't know how she would have been able to pull the girls away.

Jane just smiles at her mother as the girls wipe her tears away.

The doctors intervene finally, taking Angela to the side of the room so that they can explain Jane's medical situation to her. According to their findings, Jane is generally alright. She hasn't lost her memory and is responding to stimuli as expected. They say they have to keep a close eye on her, and Angela needs to inform them if anything of consequence happens. She nods and they leave to give the family their privacy.

''I missed you,'' Jane rasps to her girls. And that seems to open the flood gates of chatter, it is just the prompt they needed – because they open their mouths and words spill out nonstop like a waterfall.

''Why couldn't we come to see you?''

''We missed you Mama''

''What happened to your head? Why is there a bandage?''

''I passed my math quiz. Maura taught me everything''

''And we had a play date with Lisa and Kim''

''Oh, and we can swim now. Maura showed us how to float''

''Maura has a _huge _tortoise. His name is Bass''

''And we have our own rooms now, at her house''

And suddenly all Jane can hear is Maura, Maura, Maura.

_Doctor Maura Isles? (_Jane vaguely remembers seeing the medical examiners face when she woke up, but she can't be sure. It's something like a dream now.)

She doesn't know anything about this development. The doctors told her she had been in a coma for about four weeks. She can't begin to imagine how all of this could have happened in four weeks. But she's awake, and her daughters are fine and happy, so she smiles at them, because she is happy too. Angela sits on a chair beside the bed and laughs along as the girls talk about everything under the sun.

From the window, Maura just watches. She wasn't aware that there was any pain that could hurt more that her infertility. She watches the girls talk animatedly, and Jane and Angela laugh. She knows her job is done. That if she's lucky (or maybe unlucky in her case) she'll bump into the twins every once in a while in the Division One Café. That she'll only now get updates from Angela on how the girls are doing. She knows now that at some point she'll have to face Detective Rizzoli and she isn't sure what Jane will have to say.

But the dominant emotion is despair. Absolute anguish and emptiness. She isn't sure what she will do with herself henceforth. She should have listened to her wife and kept her boundaries.

Sharon.

It's like an epiphany how she suddenly remembers her wife.

And so she looks through the window one last time. Sees the happy family that she knows have all but forgotten her and she walks away. What she doesn't know it that all the 'happy family' is talking about is her.

''And she's very smart. She taught me a cool way to remember my times tables''

''She's so kind. When I'm sad she sleeps with me just like you do Mama''

''And she says it's okay to play with her make-up as long as we wash our face afterwards''

''Did you know that some super healthy food is actually nice?''

''She's so pretty''

''One time the waitress thought she was our mother''

''Last week at soccer practice when I fell and scrapped my knee she bandaged it and let choose what we ate and watched on tv _all day''_

''You'll see when she comes, she's so nice''

''I love her''

What a shame. Maura heard none of this as she walked away.

She would _never _be able to mend her heart, she knew it. The cords holding it together after the failed pregnancies were pulled apart and raptured irreplaceably.

Her only refuge was her wife, who while being able to console her in the past, would only marginally make a dent now – if at all.

Sharon was scheduled to be in Boston the coming week, but Maura couldn't wait that long. When she got home she purchased a ticket to join her wife in Arizona for a few days. Perhaps a different atmosphere would do her a little good.

She doubted it though.

* * *

''What are you doing here Maura?'' Sharon eventually gathered the guts to ask her wife this all important question. Maura had spontaneously made a trip miles away for no other reason than that she missed her and needed a little break from work and Boston. Sharon wasn't buying it one bit. And because Maura had arrived in the evening she waited until later on in the night to bring it up.

''I told you already.'' Maura answered with absolutely no conviction. ''Why don't we go out somewhere? Have a few drinks then come back later'' she suggested.

Maura and spontaneous where parallel lines – they never met. She was meticulous and organised and planned well in advance. This idea of 'I'm flying to Arizona to see my wife' or 'let's go out for drinks', it wasn't her. But Sharon didn't have it in her to decline the invite. Because one, she herself would like to go out, two, she _did _miss her wife, and three, she knew Maura couldn't keep it all inside for too long, eventually the blonde would share what was really going on. And it wasn't exactly rocket science anyway. Sharon was 99% convinced it had to do with the Rizzoli's. What she didn't know was just the particulars.

And so they went out for 'drinks'.

It was in the small posh bar that Maura began to drink glass after glass of wine. There was a band playing music that did nothing but remind Maura of all that she was missing. She didn't want to be having drinks with her wife; she wanted to be in Boston running up and down with Keira and Eva. She wanted to be doing school runs and making them dinner and combing their hair. She wanted to be ironing their school uniforms and packing lunch for them or making breakfast. She wanted to hold Keira in her arms until she fell asleep and she wanted to argue with Eva about her homework.

Even the alcohol was failing her.

Because in her inebriated state, she still couldn't forget the way their small hands fit in hers. Or the way Keira fit on her hip or sunk onto her chest at night time.

Before she knew it she was in the bathroom puking her guts out. And it had nothing to do with the excessive alcohol. Sharon who had been hot on her heels held her hair up while rubbing her back.

''It's okay love,'' she cooed.

It wasn't okay. Couldn't she _see _that?

Maura didn't realize that she just spoke those words out instead of just thinking them.

''Sorry?''

''I said it's _not _okay. It _never _will be.'' It felt so good to let some of that pent up emotion out. It wasn't fair to Sharon obviously, who had done nothing wrong, but oh well….

''Maura, you know I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong. In fact, scratch that, I know what's wrong'' they were now stood in the stall facing each other. ''If I remember well, which I do, I warned you that this wouldn't end well. Now lo-''

''Don't say that,'' she muttered under her breath. Sharon could feel Maura boiling and crashing inside at the same time.

''Why are you here Maura?'' Sharon asked once again. Maura just shook her head, not wanting to tell the truth but knowing she couldn't lie. ''Why?'' Sharon had always been an persistent person.

''Because-''

''Just say it,'' Sharon almost stomped her foot.

''BECAUSE OKAY!'' Maura started to yell all of a sudden. ''because Jane is awake. And the children don't _need _me anymore. _No one _does. Do you know how good it felt, to be needed? For the past weeks I was like their knight in shining armour, which it's ironic because _they _were actually my saviours. And now their mother is awake and alright and there is no room for me anymore. I was sinking, for just those few hours without them, so I couldn't stay in Boston, and here I am now,'' she flailed her hands in a show of her presence. Sharon watched her disbelievingly from her side of the small toilet stall. This is the part where she was going to say to her wife 'so what's my purpose in your life? Don't you think I need you? So you are just using me because the girls aren't around anymore? So you don't even miss me and just came out to Arizona because you had nowhere else to go?' This is the part where she could have said so much, but she simply pulled out Maura's cellphone from her purse.

''Go back to Boston Maura.'' It came out as an instruction as she scrolled through the phone, pulled up the inbox and handed the device to the distraught blonde. Before Maura could respond Sharon had walked out. Her eyes grew wide as she read through the messages in her inbox - the first one at 13:34 and the last one at 00:27

**It's Kie and Eva. We miss you**

**When are you coming to see Mama, she's okay now. We told her all about you.**

**How come we haven't seen you yet?**

**Mama said we have to ask if we can call you because it's almost midnight. Is it okay? Are you busy?**

**Maura….please reply**

**Are you sleeping already?**

**We miss you. Will you come tomorrow?**

**Pretty pretty pretty pretty please call us**

**Mama said we can't text you anymore because maybe we are bothering you. But we told her you said we could talk to you anytime. But I think she doesn't believe us. Please call (several heart emoticons)**

9 messages from Angela's number. Maura's heart just about expanded and exploded with love. She wasn't sure what she would say to her wife (who had already read these messages by the way), but she knew she was heading back to Boston first thing in the morning.

She had had enough of this running and sitting on the side steps. Since her childhood she had never fought for anyone or anything. She got what she got, and lost what she lost. She didn't know _how _to fight, or what to fight for even. What was worth the trouble and what wasn't? And she also didn't want to lose, because she didn't know what losing a fight felt like.

She had _tried _to have children and then now given up. That wasn't the same as this fight .

She was Maura freaking Isles. She was a intelligent and kind woman, smart and loyal and loving and caring and selfless and compassionate and about a million other things. Didn't that count for something?

It did.

She had this huge heart filled with so much love and absolutely no one to give it to. It was overflowing now, some people to be loved were due to come into her life.

So she was going to fight for Keira and Eva. They weren't her children, weren't related to her, but that didn't matter. She was going to face Jane Rizzoli, which was going to be the toughest thing she'd probably ever done in her life, but she was going to face her. And do or say what, she didn't know. But she wasn't backing down. Not this time.

Finally she had something worth fighting for – Keira and Eva. And if she lost, at least she'd know it was a battle worth fighting for. Because she loved them, and she knew they loved her. That should count for something right?

* * *

"**It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair."  
― Taylor Swift**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: I'm healing fine, thanks a lot you guys.**

**I would like to apologise for the lack of clarity in the other chapter. When I wrote about Maura fighting for the twins, I didn't mean fighting for custody or anything like that. I meant fighting to be in their lives, as in, making an effort to befriend Jane and seeing the girls more often, as opposed to going back to how things were before. And not in a creepy way like Maura's gone 'cray cray' and delusional and is thinking these are now her kids or that she could replace Jane or anything. Just a relationship like one would probably have with their friends children or with their nieces or something. Am I making sense or should I just go back to the hospital for a bit longer? **

* * *

Jane woke up around the time she would normally be distantly alert. She wasn't as happy and tranquil as she ordinarily would be. That perfect voice she had grown accustomed to hearing wasn't there anymore. It was ever so quiet, with only the sound of beeps being heard, or far-away footsteps and chatter.

She decided instantly that she hated that day. After learning yesterday about what had happened to her, the detective was counting on that voice for comfort and maybe a little boost in order to be able to start processing everything. In the early hours of the morning her mother had left with her daughters and were due to be back later that morning. She had more tests scheduled for the day and was really hoping to be filled in on more about the particulars of her recent and sudden 'time out'. All of that was waiting to be done today, but all she really needed was that soothing and calming voice whose owner she didn't even know. _Perhaps one of the nurses, she surmised._

_..._

Angela and the twins arrived just after the doctors had been. They had removed Jane's bandage as the small wound had healed, though it left a round bold spot. It didn't matter anyway, Jane had enough hair to cover it up completely.

To Jane's utter surprise, the girls sang the same song as the day before – Maura this, Maura that. They had the decency to spare Jane a few minutes of unadulterated motherly love before launching into Maura-talk though. When Frankie and Tommy came by a little later on, they took the girls down to the café for brunch finally leaving Jane and Angela alone.

''You are going to explain to me what all this is about right?'' Jane jumped in immediately. Alone-time was rare and they needed to talk fast.

''I don't know where to begin Jane. What do you want to know exactly?''

''First of all,'' she raised her forefinger, ''when did Doctor Isles become a part of our lives?''

''She was always a friend to me Jane''

''_Exactly! _To _you. _Now my kids have moved _in _with her''

''They've hardly moved in Jane''

''Well it seems like it to me Ma. Why were they spending so much time together?'' Jane didn't sound upset per se, just really baffled. Her and Doctor Isles were nothing but colleagues. Why would the woman go through so much trouble for her, and her children?

''Jane…'' Angela began slowly, hoping her daughter wouldn't lash out. Jane was funny like that. It was almost impossible to decipher her reactions sometimes. It could range from one side of the spectrum of the other, or anything in between. ''I spent most of my time here. I was terrified. When they mentioned an operation to…drain the blood all I could think about was them cutting your head open. I couldn't leave you Jane. Going home at night everyday was like…holding my breath under water for a long time. It was a really hard time. And Maura – bless her. I would have lost my mind without her. She took care of the girls Jane''

''Why couldn't Frankie or Tommy help? Hell, even Korsak and Frost''

''It's not the same Jane. Kie and Eva, they were worried and scared. And remember you said you didn't want them here if anything like this happened''

''I know''

''And I wanted to be here _all _the time. I didn't want you waking up alone''

''Thanks Ma. But you know I'm not a child right? It's not like I was going to breakdown or throw a tantrum if I was alone for half an hour before you got here''

''Well that's the thing. It was mainly about me,'' Angela moved to sit on the bed beside her daughter. ''I couldn't stand to leave you. I was more at rest here, where I could make sure you were still breathing and all was well. Maura kept them many nights. And I'd come to sleep here. Those where the nights I actually got decent sleep''

''Maaaa'' Jane said, feeling guilty for the trouble and worry she had caused but trying to play it off as nothing of real concern.

''Yes Jane. I was worried sick. And Kie and Eva would ask about you all the time. And cry and beg to see you. The only person that could distract them was Maura. And they somehow grew close I guess. The girls absolutely _adore _her''

''And Doctor Isles?'' Jane asked wearily, referring to Maura's own feelings towards her daughters.

''She gave up a lot to watch them. She missed work several days, completely stopped over the weekends. She made them so comfortable and welcome in her home. Helped with their homework….and everything Jane. Just like you do'' she smiled at Jane's uneasy expression. ''Every morning she would come here to see you Jane'' Angela looked absently at the significantly fewer monitors around Jane. ''She said she didn't want to get in our way'' the elder woman chuckled. ''so she made a habit of coming early in the morning when no one else was around''

Jane's mouth hung open for the longest time. That voice, that had been Doctor Isles all along. She never would have imagined it. _Why would the medical examiner do that for her, she wondered._

''She's very kind Jane. And so wonderful with the girls. You better thank her profusely for her help'' Angela looked at her pointedly.

''Really Ma! What's that look?''

''What look?'' Angela asked a little too innocently. Her daughter wasn't fooled.

''My God Ma. I'm lying in a freaking hospital bed''

''I know Jane''

''I can see you trying to play cupid and what not. Stop okay. What's wrong with you and this constant need to want to hook me up with everyone?''

''I was doing no such thing'' the elder woman grinned. ''And anyway don't tell me you haven't 'thought' that'' she made a face that Jane supposed should symbolise thinking of someone in an intimate way but just came out as pervy to Jane.

''No I have not _thought _that,'' Jane shrieked. ''We _work _together – one. And we really have nothing in common. Besides, she's waaaaay out of my league. And doesn't even talk to me by the way'' and then as an afterthought, ''before we even consider all these other factors, she's obviously not into women''

''She's also married'' Angela said as if speaking to herself. She sounded disappointed. ''To a woman''

If Jane was drinking something it would have been like one of those movie scenes when the liquid rushes out of your mouth and onto everything in the vicinity. ''Oh'' she managed.

Angela was a very involved and attentive mother. Not so endearing when your oldest child is thirty-six and your youngest thirty, but it's one of those things that are traits and not habits. You can't grow out of them. She noticed how Jane needed a partner, so much so now. There had been Gina. _That _seemed pretty serious but ended in shambles. Jane loved hard and completely, and Gina wasn't the sort of woman who wanted, or needed that kind of love. She was lovely in every other way, but just not the right match for her daughter. Other than Gina, there had been no one else serious in Jane's life. Angela knew her daughter would never admit it, but she longed for someone to love. For a partner who would accept her and her children.

When Angela watched Maura and the twins over the weeks, she knew without a doubt that the blonde was the kind of partner her Janie needed. And it wasn't only that the medical examiner was a star with the girls, she was also the kind of person that _needed _to be loved hard. In her eyes, Angela could see the sadness and loneliness. The desperation and yearning for something that was just out of reach. The matriarch knew that Jane and Maura would be a couple made in heaven.

But Maura was married.

Which was a shame, because Angela could see the hopelessness of that marriage. It was almost like Gina and Jane. Both lovely people, very convenient, but not so compatible. Not for lack of trying, it just wasn't there. If you left your phone in the car, you could search tirelessly for it in the house. You could look everywhere, leave no stone unturned. But you would never find it, because it's not in the damn house at all. That was Maura and Sharon, and Gina and Jane.

But Angela wouldn't meddle. She wouldn't be the reason for someones failed marriage. But that didn't mean she would not think it, and not wish that Jane and Maura could sit and talk and discover what she had.

It would definitely take a miracle.

She looked at her daughter, eyes closed pretending to be resting. Jane might not know that she and Maura are a perfect match, but she does like Maura. Sometimes people think we see things in the way someone does or says something. But the contrary is also true. Sometimes the most important things are seen in the way someone _doesn't _do or say anything.

At the precinct, everyone talked about Maura. Good things, bad things, indifferent things. But still, people said things. They commented on astute work, her elegant wardrobe and fabulous hair. They drooled over her and passed endless remarks about her beauty and also about her antisocial ways.

But Jane? She never said a damn thing. If anyone talked about Maura she just shrugged and went on about her business. And that's how Angela had caught it. That's how she knew Jane was fond of the good doctor. Not just fond like she wants to be friends – no. Fond like she wants to be the one to put a smile on her face first thing in the morning and last thing at night – everyday for the rest of her life.

And so while it would have been in character for her to push Jane to be friends with another female such as Maura, Angela had let it go. It would have been too painful for Jane. And she was right. Because looking down at Jane now, she could see the pain behind those closed eyes. And it wasn't of the physical kind.

* * *

They hadn't talked the previous night when they both got home. Maura quietly used the guest bedroom in Sharon's rented apartment and fell asleep almost immediately.

But as the bright hot sun in Arizona made an appearance that morning, both women knew a serious talk was due. Before packing her belongings, Maura asked Sharon to join her in the living room. They sat on different sofa's, as if they were strangers and struggling to make conversation.

''We are in different places now, it seems,'' Maura began. Her voice was steady and resolute, but she was shaking slightly. ''When we got married, I had this clear vision of who we were and where we were going. But now, it's as if you're heading north and I'm heading south. When did that happen to us Sharon?''

''About four weeks ago if you ask me,'' Sharon replied her sarcastically, then thought better of it when she saw the hurt look on her wife's face. ''Sorry. I think…I think that happened somewhere in the months between our departure from California and our arrival in Boston''

The atmosphere was sombre and serious now.

''I don't have to tell you that I love you, do I? Please tell me you know that Sharon''

''I do. And I love you too. But right now it seems like I'm an inconvenience to you. And its as if I'm not…_enough.''_ When Maura was about to interject Sharon quickly went on. ''I felt that way even before Eva and Keira came into the picture. I may appear blind or naïve to you, but I'm not honey. I could _feel _how unhappy you were. But I never brought it up because there wasn't anything I could do. I am unable to help you Maura. There isn't anything that I can do to make you happy. But I try don't I?

''You do Sharon. And I'm _so _sorry''

''I'm not looking for an apology honey. I'd much rather prefer discussing how we can go forward from here. What do you want Maura?''

A lot. She wanted a lot of things. But just this minute, she wanted to be in Boston.

''I am going back to Boston in a few hours''

''Okay…'' Sharon said it more like a prompt.

And then there was silence. Neither knew how to go forward with the truth at this point.

''We have always been blunt and truthful with each other Maura. And I don't wish for this circumstance to be any different. So I will ask you, what are your intentions with those girls exactly?''

''I want them in my life.'' Maura responded immediately. And when Sharon looked at her in a funny way, she hastened to add, ''am I crazy? Does this make me a sick person?''

''No''

''I feel a bit crazy. This sudden love I have for them. And this need to be with them,'' she laughed at herself mirthlessly. ''I'm mad''

''No honey, I don't think that you are. But I think that you need to have an open mind and be prepared for anything. The twins, they love you. And would happily spend everyday with you. But they have their mother. And a whole life that you aren't part of. There is a very _big _chance that there won't be a repeat of what you guys had these past weeks. Promise me you won't expect much''

''I won't. And I'm prepared. I've thought it through. But it won't stop me from trying.''

''Okay'' Sharon let that digest then went on. ''So…if these kids are out of your life, what is your plan then? Will you fly back here immediately?'' It suddenly sounded a little too direct for both of them, and appeared to be leading to an argument so Sharon immediately amended, ''What I mean is, what other plans do you have in place for the future – in general?''

''I realized that we never quite talked about this in depth – the issue about children. You had your hysterectomy and I was battling all these fertility issues and you didn't much care for children….we may have just skimmed over a few things.''

''Such as?''

''Why I wouldn't adopt of use a surrogate''

''Oh!'' Sharon _had _thought about it. But instead of asking she'd been just pleased that those options were off the table hence decreasing the chance of actually _having _kids.

''Being adopted made me not want that for another kid. I had so many questions and doubts growing up. And even though I loved my parents, it wasn't unconditional love. I held back a little. Maybe it's because they naturally weren't too warm, but nevertheless, the love was limited. I just couldn't bring myself to adopt a child. I wanted my _own _child. One that wouldn't question anything. One that wouldn't leave me one day or be taken away from me. And surrogacy…. I don't know. It felt…'' Maura folded her feet under her thighs on the sofa holding onto the cushion in her hands. ''Surrogacy made me feel like I was taking someone's child somehow.''

''The bottom line is that you just wanted to be pregnant with your own child,'' Sharon helped her. ''But now…''

''I feel like I was wrong. If I had a child, however I had him, I would love him and make sure there was no doubt in his mind that he belonged to me. And if I provided for him enough, and loved and cared for him enough, he wouldn't need to look elsewhere. And no one would take him away from me''

''Him?'' Sharon smiled a little sadly at her wife.

''Yes. I would really love a son.'' She beamed. ''But in my case, I guess I can't really afford choosing''

''You can Maura. You deserve to have whatever you want. And I'm sorry that I hindered you from that honey. I'm so sorry.''

They had reached an impasse, the elephant in the room no longer being able to be ignored.

''I don't want any kids Maura''

''I know''

''So where does that leave us? Because you now clearly have a vision of adopting right?'' Maura nodded. After a few seconds, Sharon asked again. ''So?''

''This is probably as best as a mutual separation goes'' Maura didn't dare look at Sharon in the eye, afraid of what she would see. But when Sharon spoke, her voice held the same understand and a bit of regret.

''I wish we wanted the same things in life. It would make everything that much easier. But I guess life isn't easy…or fair.''

''No its not'' Maura looked to her wife, who had her elbows on her knees and face in her hands. ''I'm sorry''

''Don't apologize for wanting what you want. And for being truthful with me. It hurt, this past year and some, knowing you were unhappy and not being able to do anything about it. As your wife, it was my responsibility, and I failed you. So if letting you go is what it will take to finally bring some joy into your life, then I'll do it. I won't like it, but I'll do it.''

''That's all I ask''

* * *

**"Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny."  
― Steve Maraboli**


	12. Chapter 12

**"Each meeting occurs at the precise moment for which it was meant. Usually, when it will have the greatest impact on our lives." **

**― Nadia Scrieva, _Fathoms of Forgiveness_**

It was late at night when Maura walked into her house. The place felt different from how it usually felt when she arrived from work or elsewhere. There was a strange sort of comfort. The place seemed…_welcoming. _Like _home. _It was no longer strangled by a sense of indecision. Maura never wanted to say this to Sharon since _she _had been the one to uproot them from California, but their life in their Beacon Hill house felt temporary to her. It didn't feel right, and for the whole year she was never really relaxed. She hadn't even made a great effort to build roots in the area. A nagging in the back of her mind told her it was short lived.

But when she walked in on Saturday night, she felt absolutely no urge to flee. She felt at peace and at home. In her haste to save herself from a downward spiral, she had bolted out of Boston at record speed, leaving no time to clean up. In her bizarre state of euphoria, she began to tidy up. She whistled absentmindedly as she picked up Keira's writing bookings and Eva's socks. They had a few days ago purchased an X-Box that even Maura had found mildly interesting. She put the controls that the girls had left out away and began to drag her small suitcase upstairs.

Before doing much else, she figured it would only be prudent to ring Angela. Questions would be asked soon if she didn't act fast. The last thing she needed was having to explain her irrational fear of obsoleteness-slash-replacement.

It felt nice for Maura, speaking to an elated Angela. She had missed the happy and loud woman she had come to love in such a short time. The previous weeks had been too tense and the toll had worn on Angela greatly. But now, she was back to herself and chatted happily with Maura filling her in on what had happened in the past couple of days. The girls were with Jane and the boys while Angela rested, so they ended their conversation with Maura promising she would set off to see Jane the following morning.

...

Keeping to her word, Maura made it to the hospital at 7:30 on the dot. She was feeling flustered. She would never say it to anyone, but she spent a good half an hour contemplating what to wear. The logical conclusion was that it didn't matter what she wore, but she still found herself putting more thought than was needed into her attire.

She made it to Jane's room, already a nervous mess, but head-set on following through. She couldn't possibly run forever.

Jane was awake; Maura heard her gruff voice as she spoke to the nurse attending to her. Politely, or maybe just using it as another excuse to prolong the inevitable, she waited for the nurse to finish.

''Doctor Isles, it's nice to see you again,'' the young lady said as she stepped out of Jane's room.

''You too, thank you. How is Jane?'' Maura cringed a little at her crooked eloquence. The nurse didn't notice though as she went on to briefly explain Jane's progression. ''It all sounds promising. Thank you.'' The nurse smiled at Maura and continued on her rounds as the blonde lightly knocked.

''Come in,'' Jane said it like a sigh, with her eyes closed. The brunette figured it was her mother who couldn't stay away longer than half an hour, _or_ her daughters who couldn't stay away longer than half an hour as well. ''I'm still asleep'' She covered her face with her hands.

''OH! I'm terribly sorry. I'll come at another time,'' Maura quickly said, stepping back from the doorway.

''NO!'' Jane's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at hearing Maura. She bolted upright immediately, a subconscious attempt to physically keep Maura in the room. _That _back-fired as pain radiated from her healing head right through to her out-of-use muscles. ''Shit!'' she hissed.

''Oh God,'' Maura gasped as she ran to the detectives side, dropping her bag on the floor in the process. ''Are you alright?'' she fretted. When Jane kept her eyes screwed shut for a second without answering, Maura towered over the brunette, sliding her right arm under Jane's neck and using her left to gently guide Jane's head back onto the pillow. ''Detective Rizzoli, you ought not to sit up so fast,'' she warned sternly.

What was supposed to come out as a snort came out instead as a soft word, ''Jane.'' Maura kept her position. ''Please call me Jane''

''Of course, sorry'' And when that was cleared and Jane was safely rested on her pillow, they then realized their positions. Jane opened her eyes and came face to face with Maura's cleavage, because the blonde was still bent over her with her hands where they were before.

Jane would have screwed her eyes shut if she could. She may even have looked away if she could manage. But staring straight at what could only be described as _**the rack of God, **_Jane was powerless for a few seconds. Carefully, Maura extracted her hands and met Jane's eyes. ''Are you okay?'' she asked. Jane could only nod.

A few seconds of silence passed before they both spoke at the same time

''Jane I meant-''

''Doctors Isles you didn't-''

They both chuckled, looking down shyly like young girls. ''Since you're the patient and I sort of dropped by unannounced, I suppose I should let you go first. And please, call me Maura''

Jane smiled, before realising that she didn't want to go first. She wasn't sure where she would begin. But Maura clearly wasn't going to go first, so she 'manned up'. ''Kie and Eva haven't stopped talking about you. I don't know what you did to my girls''

''Oh no. I swear I never meant to get so close to them. Everything-''

''You _do _know that I'm joking right?''

''OH''

Jane burst out laughing.

Maura had never been so uncomfortable.

''People always said that you kinda didn't get jokes. And the twins mentioned it too. But I had absolutely no idea. I thought everyone was just exaggerating.'' Jane said as her laughter died down. ''I didn't mean that you actually did _did _something to them''

''I'm still trying to get to grips with all these jokes and sarcasm. But I'm afraid I'll never quite get there it seems''

''Don't sweat. It's all overrated anyway. It also makes you different''

And then Maura blushed.

She wanted to slap herself in the face.

They stayed quiet for a bit again, before Maura spoke first this time. ''This is really unfamiliar to me. I don't know where to begin''

''Makes two of us,'' But understanding how unhelpful that was to Maura, Jane helped. The blonde had done a lot; the least she could do was make her visit comfortable. God knows she was battling her own issues and was two seconds away from screaming into a pillow like a girl who'd just received a look from her long-time crush. ''Thank you Maura. For everything you did with my girls, helping out and all. Ma said you were wonderful, so thank you''

''It's was no trouble really. They are lovely girls and I enjoyed their company immensely''

''I see where they are picking up their big words from these days''

Maura was super relieved that Jane wasn't upset or taking it all very badly.

''We actually have been working on a great deal of grammar. Eva especially, needs more help.'' She was rumbling and quickly stopped herself. ''Sorry. I didn't mean to insinuate that you weren't doing a good job or anything. I was just remarking on your comment about-''

''Maura,'' Jane reached out and took the blonde's hand in hers. That stopped Maura immediately. ''You don't ever have to explain yourself, or apologize for what you did. I can't imagine anyone who would do something like that for someone they don't really know. My kids are so happy Maura,'' she suddenly found that in getting hold of Maura's hand the blonde had moved closer – all the way to the edge of Jane's bed. ''If it wasn't for you, they would have been so distressed. And I don't even wanna know what it would have been like for them if they had been here to see me looking half dead. You went well out of your way for them, and there isn't anything I can do to truly express how grateful I am. What was supposed to be a traumatic event ended up being almost like one of their best times ever. So _thank you _Maura. I'll find a better way to thank you once I'm outta here,'' she gestured to the room with her other hand.

Maura wasn't going to add anything on the subject. The lump in her throat was too large to allow it. And she also ran the risk of a breakdown. That was going to be very difficult to explain, so she quickly took another route. ''How are you feeling now?''

''I'm better. Thanks'' And then Jane lifted up her hand to scratch her head, only to realize she was still holding onto Maura's hand. ''Sorry'' she said trying to sound nonchalant. Inside she felt like she could combust. Even a teenager wasn't like that. She wanted to hold Maura's hand for longer, but had no real excuse. She would just never know that Maura also wished that she could keep her own hand in Jane's.

''How much longer do you have to stay before being discharged?''

''They say about three days at the very least. I need to be monitored and what-not''

''That would be advisable, yes''

There was a bit of silence, in which neither of them knew what to say.

''I know you said you were happy to help out and that it didn't really put you out,'' Jane began. ''But I want you to know that you don't have to keep having your plans messed up….with your wife and all'' Jane couldn't believe she actually did that. You know that thing you do when you are trying to fare something out? Like when you meet a person you fancy and say to them 'oh I don't wanna come over to your place because your partner may just drop by'. The point is that all you want to hear is that person saying 'don't be silly. I'm not seeing anyone'. It's a rather immature thing, but Jane found herself nonetheless doing something to that effect.

''Like I said Jane, it's not a disturbance in any way. And I want you to know that I'll be happy to watch them or….just hang-out or anything, anytime. But I understand if you feel that there is no need for me-''

''Heeeeey,'' Jane stopped her already sensing where Maura was going and hearing the tinge of sadness in her voice. Jane knew a thing or two about attachment. ''Why don't you have a seat?''

Maura pulled the chair closer to Jane and placed herself on it unsurely. It seemed like a formal conversation was about to ensue, and she wasn't sure where it was going to lead. Jane looked at her and smiled before swiftly averting her gaze and began talking, ''about three years ago, there was this case that we had. A little boy's parents were shot, and we found the kid hiding in the shed in the back garden. He was about six at that time. And he said when he heard the hustling and bustling in the house he ran away. He was so scared when we found him,'' Jane was quiet for bit, clearly being transported to that very day. Maura was already captivated by the story. ''When I got him out he wouldn't stop crying and I couldn't bring myself to send him anywhere else, so I took him home temporarily. He was so sweet and got along with Eva and Kie immediately. The twins were what…four I think. And they thought he was going to be their big brother,'' Jane chuckled, and then turned quiet for too long.

''What happened?'' queried the doctor.

''He stayed with us for about a week. I was so close to keeping him. I _wanted _to keep him. But then we located his mother's sister and she took him. I didn't take it too well. It was like one day he was almost mine, and then the next he was just taken from me. It was a short time, but I got attached to him. These things happen with children. I didn't even know it until he was leaving.''

Maura just made a sound almost like 'oh'.

''My point is that I understand what happened between you and my kids. You bonded, and you grew attached to them. It happened because of all the time you were together, and during the process of comforting them. Just like it happened with me and Caleb, the boy. And I know what it felt like when he was just pulled away from me. It's not like I didn't know it would happen, but when it did it was just really painful. And it didn't help that Eva and Keira went on and on about him. I'm okay now, but that doesn't mean that you _have _to disappear from my kid's life. I mean if you want to that's cool''

''No,'' Maura immediately assured her.

Jane smiled. ''Well that's what I just want you to know. That it's okay to come to visit them, or for them to come over if you like. You and me….'' She stopped herself, not sure what to say at this point.

''Perhaps you and I could try to become friends'' Maura supplied.

Maura had never been one to initiate such a bold move, but she found herself suggesting it. Jane had never been one to get in-depth about things, but she found herself needing to say all this to Maura.

''Perhaps we could,'' Maura wouldn't know it, but that was sarcasm – Jane ridiculing Maura's use of proper English, _perhaps we could. _Haha. But it wasn't funny, because Maura didn't get it.

Maura had anticipated the talk with Jane to be heated or emotional or unpleasant – basically anything in the negative. She had prepared to bring up points about why she wanted to continue to see the girls and to explain to Jane how much she loved them and so on. But the meeting turned out to be much lighter and friendlier than she had supposed.

''I shall find my mornings to be a bit strange now. I had become accustomed to coming over to see you every day before work,'' Maura confessed, not understanding why Jane brought about this urge within her to be completely honest.

''You could still come. I'm here for another three days at least, remember?''

''Of course. I just didn't-''

''I would like you to come,'' Jane interrupted.

''Really?''

''Yeah'' averting her eyes again, Jane continued, ''I could feel you here. And hear you talking to me every day.'' Maura looked astonished. ''I couldn't hear what you were saying. But I felt…I don't know, comforted? It was nice when you came. On the day I woke up I heard you though. It was the first time your words made sense. You sounded so….hurt and worried. I wanted to tell you that it was okay, and that I was fine. But the words just couldn't come out. So I had to try real hard to open my eyes''

Maura wanted to cry. But she had promised herself she'd be grown-up about everything today. But it wasn't a bad sort of crying – a relieved one more like. So she let the one tear slip out.

''What did you talk to me about?'' Jane hadn't noticed Maura's emotional state.

''It was mostly an update about everything I did with the girls''

Jane turned to Maura when she heard the tears in her voice. ''Can I ask you a question? And can you promise to tell me the truth?''

''I don't-''

''Please''

And Maura knew she'd never be able to say no to that tone. That's where the twins had got it from she realised.

''Why are you crying right now?'' Maura didn't think for a minute that this is what Jane would ask her. And when she raised her eyes she met the concerned and caring ones of Jane. Jane, it was becoming evident to Maura, was not the same as Detective Rizzoli.

''I'm just really relieved that you are okay.'' She breathed in deeply. ''I had a wonderful time with the girls, but they missed you terribly. And they were very worried. I couldn't take that worry away from them completely. And I was so scared that maybe something would happen to you I just didn't know what I'd do'' she wiped another tear. ''So right now I'm just really emotional because I am so glad that you are awake and okay''

That might just be about the sweetest thing Jane had ever heard. Which meant a lot coming from a woman with two sweet little girls.

And now that Jane had been told the truth, she didn't know what to do with it. ''You can still come over to see me tomorrow morning,'' she said needlessly.

''I will''

''And maybe when I get out of here, you could come over for dinner or something''

''I would love that,'' Maura smiled. If anyone had told her before that Jane was so sweet and kind and caring, she wouldn't have really believed them.

Maura then made a move to get going, ''Is there anything you would like me to bring for you when I come''

Jane smiled a rather wicked smile, ''What?'' Maura asked. Quickly looking down to assess herself thinking Jane was laughing at something askew with her.

''What I want is rather weird. I hope you won't mind''

''I won't'' she replied without thinking then thought better of it, Jane was a character. ''Possibly?''

Jane laughed. ''I would like a change of clothes. Ma picks out the worst things''

''Won't they be coming from your wardrobe?''

''They will. But somehow it isn't right when she brings them. Maybe they don't match or whatever. But could you please just bring me something proper? Like two pieces of clothes I could actually wear together. If it's not too much trouble''

''Not at all''

When Maura was about to leave Jane stopped her again. ''Just realised I never even asked you how _you _are doing. I just kept going on and on, sorry''

''It's okay; you're the patient after all. But I'm fine anyway''

''How come you didn't come for the past two days. And how come you never responded to the girls when they were texting you?''

Busted!

Jane had almost forgotten to ask this, she was really curious. And maybe just nosey and irrationally jealous about the life of a woman she really liked who was married and didn't feel even a fraction of what she felt.

Maura contemplated her response for a few seconds – telling the truth or dodging it? She went for the truth, lying had never done anything for her. And dodging sometimes left her in precarious positions.

''I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the attachment issue,'' she could have ended right there, but she found herself going on unnecessarily. ''and my wife and I split up''

Jane nearly choked on her spit, ''what! Why? It's not because of the girls is it?''

''Not really Jane. It was mutually and long overdue''

''Not _really? _Meaning it has something to do-''

''It does Jane, but not in the way you are thinking. Perhaps during the time we are working on building a friendship I will share the reasons for the divorce with you. I'll see you tomorrow…with some _proper _clothes'' And she walked out.

Jane was gobsmacked. She had absolutely no idea what to make of it. The only good thing was that Maura didn't seem upset about it. She was going to have to work really hard and fast on this friendship thing so she could know the full details of what happened to the blonde's marriage.

Yap, definitely nosey and jealous, and surprisingly protective.

* * *

**AN: "Journeys end in lovers meeting."  
― William Shakespeare, _Twelfth Night_**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Seriously, thank you guys for your kind words and encouragement.**

* * *

Maura felt like a child in a candy shop as she walked into a shop that afternoon. She was taking Jane's request very seriously, as it was the first thing the detective had ever asked of her. Instead of just going over to Jane's place and selecting an attire, Maura was choosing to purchase one instead. It was exhilarating, because she didn't quite know what Jane preferred to wear. The doctor had only ever seen her in a coloured t-shirt and dress pants, and a hospital gown. There was very little she could draw from. The experience should probably have been challenging and nerve wrecking, but Maura was having a fantastic time. Something along the feeling of knowing that a person is wearing an attire you chose and likes it. This was similar to the way she had felt that exact morning as she dressed up to head over to the hospital to see Jane. In retrospect, it proved to be silly and useless. Jane hadn't commented on the beautiful blue dress she had worn, let alone noticed it. So in essence she had wasted her time, much like she was doing now – putting too much effort into just picking a shirt and trousers that Jane would just wear back home from the hospital.

That thought didn't dampen her mood though; she joyously continued searching for something to bring to Jane the next day.

What Maura would never know is that Jane _had _noticed her dress, that Jane _always _notices what she wears. What she'd never know was that Jane loved her dress, and any other she put on for that matter.

Eventually Maura walked into a shop she had never been in before. She didn't bother too much with the name, but noticed it was more of a **Fat Face **kind of shop. It sold out-door related apparel and accessories.

It was perfect. It screamed Jane all over. And as the blonde ran her hands over the rail of flannel shirts, she knew this was the type of thing Jane would happily wear.

It made no sense, the 'high' she was getting from such a trivial endeavour. Sharon mostly wore comfortable clothes, because they were more practical for her field work in game reserves and aquariums or what-not. But when she wasn't working, she liked dressing up as well. And most times she actually looked really feminine. Maura had never found herself feeling the urge to shop for her wife. They enjoyed shopping together, much like friends would do. But there wasn't a time Maura had found herself feeling like she could go out and get Sharon anything.

But now it was different. Maybe it was because Jane was at the opposite end of the spectrum or whatever. But Maura found it fun and fascinating as she browsed through the store observing the various type of clothing they held – the type she would never wear. Maybe that was where the fun was.

''Good afternoon Ms, are you looking for anything in particular?'' an overly cheerful shop assistant asked. He had seen Maura wonder around seemingly aimless for the past five minutes.

''Oh hello. I don't suppose I have anything definite in mind''

''Any ideas? You might want to look at the smaller sizes over here,'' he motioned for Maura to follow him to the next aisle.

''I'm not looking for something for myself actually.''

''I see. Well what size is the person?''

Maura almost laughed. She didn't know.

''She's tall, about 5''7 and slim,'' Maura found herself inexplicably blushing, which didn't go unnoticed by the observant assistant.

''For the Missus?'' he smiled, leading Maura to clothes of the bigger sizes.

''Nothing like that really,'' she blushed again, obediently following. ''just something for a….friend,'' she supplied lamely. The man took her hesitance as a lie, yet it was only because Maura didn't have a word to define her relationship with Jane – if it could be called that.

''Right! Here we are,'' he announced as he stood in front of a rail of flannel shirts and jeans and t-shirts with summer scarfs. ''What is the occasion?''

''I just need something nice and comfortable. I suppose one of these shirts and some trousers or jeans. Perhaps some shoes to go with it''

''Any colour preference?''

''Hmmm,'' Maura mused as she eyed the shirts. ''This one'' she lifted a checked red, blue and white one. It had a white tank top to go underneath. ''with these,'' she pointed to the black jeans beside them''

''Perfect choice ma'am,'' the young lad mocked in jest as he hung the clothes on his arms. ''and the shoes are this way''

Maura followed, but couldn't resist picking another black and white checked shirt. She figured Jane would have at least two choices to pick from. With a pair of converse added to the pile, she made her purchases and left a happy woman.

Her phone rang the minute she walked through the door. It was Sharon. The time read 16:13 and she realized she hadn't even thought of her….*wife* since waking up and heading to see Jane. She felt a pang of guilt. It wasn't right.

The conversation started and developed like most of their previous ones would. An exchange of pleasantries, a brief recount of each of their day and anything general really. But today they knew it was just a ploy to avoid the actual conversation that needed to be had.

''We didn't quite reach a solid conclusion when you left,'' Sharon ventured.

''No we didn't,'' Maura sighed as she sat herself on the bar stool, dropping her shopping bag to the ground.

''I know we said we're on different pages in our marriage and so forth. But…are we actually getting a _divorce _or do we just sort of need some time apart to figure things out. Because you know if that's what you need I will-''

''Sharon,'' Maura stopped her. ''We shall forever be going round and round in circles. Our situation isn't something that time apart can fix. We'll never be on the same page. And I don't wish for us to be in fact. Because that would mean changing you, or changing me, and I don't want that''

Sharon was silent as the gravity and reality of the situation sunk in. She had thought that maybe Maura would come around or reconsider. It didn't appear to be the case now.

''It's really unfortunate that things between us have to end this way Sharon. I want to say that I'm sorry, but I don't know what to apologize for quite. I've always wanted children, it's never been a secret.''

''You don't have to apologize Maura, I should.''

''We'll both say we're sorry then, and move on from there''

There was a brief silence, as both contemplated what to say. Sharon went first, ''May I ask something?''

''Anything''

''Have you met someone else?''

Maura wanted to laugh. Where would she have met anyone? _When?_ She had been occupied with the twins for weeks. If not that she was at work. That was about it.

But then she turned serious when she realized that she couldn't answer Sharon's questions with a simple 'no'. And the other woman caught on this. ''We'll start the divorce Maura. I have to go now.'' And before Maura could say anything the line went dead.

Maura took that moment to re-evaluate her hesitance. She hadn't _met _someone. So why couldn't she just say so to Sharon? _Perhaps it's because I want to meet someone, she said to herself. _The realisation wasn't as provoking as she feared it might be. It was a tad exhilarating actually.

To prevent an emotional overload or confusion, Maura figured she'd take it one step at a time. She wasn't going to get into the specifics of who she wanted to meet and what was going to ensue thereafter. She was going to begin with the divorce. Emotions in that regard would attack her soon, she knew. She was just still excited about her visit with Jane, and about getting to spend time with the twins again. At some point, sooner or later, it was going to become clear that her five year marriage was over and she was going to have to endure the emotional toll. She loved Sharon, and was going to miss her greatly. But right now, she had some work to catch up on and an attorney to contact. The spilt wasn't going to be difficult; they were both reasonable individuals with their own assets and wealth. What could go wrong?

* * *

True to her word, Maura made it to see Jane first thing in the morning. She brought Jane's clothes and some flowers for well wishes.

Jane made a gagging sound the second Maura walked in – hidden behind the well blossomed flowers. ''I don't understand why people still insist on bring me flowers, I _hate _them. I mean, look at all these,'' she gestured to the dying flowers on her table and window seal.

''My apologies. I had no idea,'' Maura said nervously, placing the flowers as far away from Jane as she could.

''It's not your fault, whoever gave you those probably already knows I don't like them''

''Actually….'' Maura said, ''I bought these for you''

''Shit!'' Jane muttered, covering her face with her hands.

Foot, meet mouth.

''Anyone would have gathered you like flowers Jane, you have plenty in here. And they were dying so I figured I'd bring you a fresh bunch.''

''Thank you Maura. I'm an ass, sorry.'' She didn't see Maura cringe at the profanity. ''You didn't know. I thought Ma or one of the guys sent you with those because they know I don't like them but they still insist on bringing more''

''I can take them back, it's no big deal''

''Come on, no. I'll have them. In fact,'' she gently swung her legs off the bed facing the table next to it ''put them here''

''You don't have to Jane''

''I _want _to''

''But you hate flowers''

''Not yours.'' It came out before she thought about it so she had to quickly busy herself in the hopes that Maura wouldn't think she's weird or anything.

''That's very flattering Jane, but you must know that I don't take offense in honesty. I will be happy to take them away if you don't like them''

Jane stood up and made three small steps to meet the blonde and took the vase from her. ''Well if you like honesty, then I'll have you know that I like _your _flowers. See, they're different from these crappy ones I had before.'' That made Maura laugh, and Jane smiled; she didn't know the blonde had such an infectious laugh.

''Next time I will cautious of what I bring''

''Please,'' Jane joked seriously as she made her way back into bed. She hadn't done much walking, very little in fact, so she didn't anticipate the wave of dizziness that hit her just as she was about to lower herself onto the bed.

''Jane'' Maura rushed to her side and immediately guided her into a sitting position.

''I'm fine Maura''

''No you're not. You almost fell over,'' Maura worried as she held Jane around the waist with one hand securely, sitting right next to her.

''God, you sound just as dramatic as my mother''

''It's not an exaggeration Jane, you really _did _almost fall''

''I know, but I'll be fine. I just came down too fast is all''

''Are you always this careless?'' Maura asked seriously.

''_Excuse me!'' _Jane turned to face her looking a bit annoyed at the stern tone Maura had use.

''Yesterday when I came in you-''

''I know what happened okay,'' Jane cut her off.

''That's why I'm concerned that-''

''_Concerned?''_ Jane laughed humourlessly, squirming from Maura's half embrace. ''Why the hell are _you _concerned anyway?''

All of a sudden they were having an argument. It was rather strange how they moved from uncertainty to a little flirting and now quarrelling.

And even though Jane was ragging and wanted to kick and shout, the feeling of Maura's arm around her had been wonderful and she wanted the hand to just stay right there but…

''I don't know what I've done to aggravate you this morning. I think I'll just be on my way,'' Maura quickly stood to leave, looking equally upset but also baffled.

Jane sighed deeply and let out another expletive.

''Do you always have to swear?'' Maura asked as she picked her bag.

Jane was a nanosecond away from swearing again, but took in another calming breath before speaking. ''I'm sorry,'' she apologized.

''It's alright. I'll see you another time.''

''Can you please….can you please just stay?'' Maura was surprised by Jane's humble and soft tone, quite the contrast to a minute ago. Maura was going to say again how she ought to leave, but Jane begged her again, ''please.'' So she quietly took a seat beside Jane's bed as the detective made herself comfortable lying down. ''I don't know why I lashed out at you like that. No! Sorry. I _do _know why I lashed out. Everyone is walking on eggshells around me. They are treating me like a child. And the damn doctors won't let me go home just yet.'' she paused to make sure Maura was listening then went on.

''I'm frustrated because I feel weak and vulnerable. I've been a….a vegetable for all these weeks and I'm awake now but I can't even do anything. It's really _frustrating. _And I don't know why I'm telling you all this,'' Jane rubbed her face furiously.

''I know a thing or two about being helpless,'' Maura said softly, unsure whether she wanted to go or stay.

''Yeah?''

''Yeah,'' Maura mimicked Jane's word in jest.

''I was on about this flower business to my mother yesterday, so I guess when you came in my blood kinda started boiling,'' she laughed a little. And Maura smiled. ''And coincidentally, she was also giving me a hard time about swearing. And it's strange that you came in and we sort of took off in all those directions. And I lost my temper which wasn't right, I'm sorry''

Maura knew from watching Jane at work that apologizing wasn't really her thing. But just like the previous day, she was learning yet again that Detective Rizzoli and Jane are two different people.

''It's alright. I understand. Sometimes things just get to us and we…''

''Lose it?''

''Yes. And we lose it. It's alright. I probably shouldn't have treated you like someone who doesn't know what they're doing''

''Its fine. The truth is that I probably don't,'' they both laughed. ''I just don't like being _told _that''

''Ahhhh, noted''

''If you start taking notes you're going to need a very large spiral bound notebook I tell you''

Maura considered this seriously for a moment, ''You might just be right. From just two visits I've learn a whole lot''

''Well we _are _working on being friends right?'' Jane was suddenly a little insecure at the prospect that Maura might now feel the need to change her mind – justifiably so.

''Yes we are. And while we are on that note, I feel a bit foolish now,'' Maura pulled her shopping bag close to her, wishing she hadn't gotten carried away with the whole clothes thing.

''Oh boy, what did you do?''

Not knowing how to explain, Maura just handed Jane the bag.

The detectives face was one of scrutiny and surprise for a long while. She hadn't even lifted the garments out.

''I should have just taken something from your house,'' Maura regretted.

''Well, if you are still taking notes, jot this down 'Jane likes the clothes'''

The blonde beamed, and Jane couldn't have been happier. They spent the morning chatting and getting to know a bit more about each other. Maura went over to a café nearby and brought Jane a decent breakfast. They ate together, Maura once again filling Jane in on her time with the twins. Things got serious however, when Jane asked why Maura didn't have kids. It must have been her lucky stars, because before they could delve into that one, Angela and the girls arrived.

They hadn't seen her as she stood, but when their eyes landed on her, they literally screamed. ''MAURA!'' The blonde was nearly knocked onto the ground as the two girls jumped on her.

''Careful'' Jane tried to warn. Angela didn't even bother; she knew there wasn't a thing in the world that could bring their excitement down a notch.

When Maura regained her balance she hugged them both with equal intensity. She had enough room for the both of them as she pulled them into her arms for a group hug. ''I missed you'' she told them.

''We missed you too,'' they chorused before they began planting kisses all over her. They knew Maura loved it.

Jane watched them from her bed in awe. She would never be able to describe how she felt if asked. It was such a sense of completion it seemed unreal. She had loved and admired Maura from a distance for months. And some days that love seemed void or vain. It didn't seem to have substance on most days. Like she was just perving on Maura or oogling her breasts and bottom. But now, it was a finished and complete painting. From talking to her all morning and now watching her with her children. It all made sense. She wasn't crazy - she didn't _feel _crazy. She suddenly felt the urge to pull Maura to the corner and ask her _why _she was so concerned about her before. Jane was getting the feeling that Maura cared about her, but she wanted to hear it in the blondes own words.

That alone time wasn't coming any time it appeared. Keira had settled into Maura's lap as both her and her sister talked on and on to Maura - asking where she had been and begging her not to disappear again. And as Jane heard Maura assure them she wasn't going anywhere, she felt the sting of tears in her eyes.

The pain she would feel getting to know Maura and learning she couldn't have her. It was starting to hurt already. But she was smiling so wide at the same time; there wasn't a sight in the world more beautiful than Maura and her daughters together. And when Jane's eyes met Angela's, the brunette knew she had a lot of explaining to do later on.

* * *

"**The thing about loving someone, is that yelling at them only feels good while you're doing it - as soon as you're done, all you want to do is take it all back"  
― Lauren Barnholdt, **_**Getting Close**_


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: My sincerest apologies to everyone reading this story. I have NO intention of abandoning this fic. I am in Africa, and i won't even get into the details of how crappy my connection is. it literally took me half an hour to log in and post this. I thought I would get a bit of time to write while i'm away, but its proving to be impossible. i have 10 more days here, so if all goes well, i will be posting the next chapters from then on. Again, I'm so sorry. **

**thank you for your lovely reviews and PM's. **


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: A massive apology to you guys for the hiatus, and a huge thank you for your patience and understanding. I'm just getting back into the flow of writing this story, so I apologize that its short. **

* * *

Jane smiled as she watched Maura from across the room. The blonde had a serious face on as she dutifully set the hospital room to Jane's liking. Maura was wearing black jeans and a yellow blouse, which she looked extremely wonderful in. Jane immediately looked to the ceiling to clear her roaming thoughts. It was so hard, to not think of Maura in that way, when she spent every day strutting up and down in front of Jane's face.

''That should do,'' Maura announced suddenly. She'd finished throwing away the dying plants in the vases that occupied Jane's room. ''You must have just let me take them away you know.'' Maura was just at a loss as to why Jane's friends and family continued to bring her flowers when she had absolutely no interest in them.

''I'm trying out a new technique,'' Jane snorted. ''I leave the flowers to die in their faces so that maybe they will stop to bring more''

''I hardly-''

''Think that it will stop them? Yeah, I know. I'm just trying it out''

They both laughed, as Maura made her way to sit on her designated chair – the one beside Jane's bed. It had been three days since Maura had come to see Jane for the first time when she woke from her coma. Both of them hadn't thought they would spend every day together since then, but here they were.

When Maura attempted to leave on the first day, Keira and Eva quite literally held her down until she ended up spending the night. The twins had been afraid that Maura wouldn't return if she left, even though she had assured them she would. But to appease them, and also because Maura really wanted to be there, she stayed – and had been around every day since.

''May I just point out something?'' Maura asked after a brief and slightly uncomfortable silence.

''Only if you promise never to ask first, again''

''I promise''

''And I'm sorry about telling you to shut up yesterday,'' Jane added.

''You need to stop apologizing. It's a phrasing that I just didn't get''

The first full day the two had spent together had been a test to both their characters. Jane's fully sarcastic comments were met by Maura's overly literal ones. It was a small disaster, which mostly left Maura feeling a little hurt and Jane apologising incessantly. But they were slowly beginning to fit together and things were starting to flow smoothly.

''So…you wanted to point out something?''

''You don't seem quite as thrilled to go home as I imagined you'd be Jane,'' Maura began reluctantly.

''No, I'm happy''

''Why do you sound so defensive then?'' Maura raised her eyebrows at her.

Jane sighed loudly, debating on whether to be honest with Maura or to just brush it off. It wasn't worth contemplating anyway; there wasn't a way to _not _be honest with Maura. The most she could hope for was a distraction, but no one was coming in that day.

''If you don't feel like talking about it, it's alright Jane. But I was just wondering if there was anything I could do''

It was the end of May and the weather was getting warmer. The sun was bright and shone mercilessly into Jane's room. From her bed, Jane looked into Maura's concerned eyes. Beautiful and hazel coloured. She looked perfect, so beautiful in every way possible Jane couldn't believe it was real.

''You remember how iffy you felt about me waking up?'' Maura nodded. She knew too well how she had felt. ''Remember you said you weren't sure what to do now that I was awake, because you'd sort of developed a routine over the weeks''

''Yes''

Jane scratched her head needlessly, searching for the right words but not finding any she was entirely pleased with. ''I think I feel like you did then. Over the past three days, we've sort of developed our little routine and now I'm suddenly going home''

''It's not so sudden Jane, you've known-''

''I know! Gosh,'' Jane complained. And when Maura looked away she apologized. She was always apologizing of late. ''It's just that now I'm going home, and I don't want to break the routine we had here. I mean,'' she quickly added, ''I _do _wanna go home. But the thought of not really having what I had here makes me not so thrilled.'' She finished the sentence in a rush and quickly looked in the opposite direction. She at the same time hoped Maura would understand what she was trying to say but also that she wouldn't.

Maura was smart.

''What routine do we have here?'' Maura asked seriously. When Jane was about to roll her eyes and ask what the importance of the question was Maura quickly stopped her. ''Just recount to me what routines we have Jane, that's all''

''Weeeeeeeeeeell,'' Jane dragged pretending to think, yet she knew the answer was something she could say in her sleep if asked. It was only three days but that had left a lasting impact. And when Maura raised her eyebrows she had to continue. ''When I wake up in the morning you are here. And you get me 'eatable' breakfast while I shower. And then the girls come over and we just….hang out. You go to buy lunch with them and we play board games or read stories afterwards and then help them with their homework. Later on at night Ma takes them back home and we go to bed. There…that's the routine,'' she finished with a flourish.

''So when you are discharged this can't happen because?''

''For one, you'll be over at your place''

That was met with silence.

Jane wanted to die.

Why the fuck had she just said that?

''I'll be back to work starting next week. So regardless of where you were, we wouldn't be able to spend the whole day together,'' Maura began with that. But then found she couldn't say anything more. Suddenly she realised there _was_ validity in Jane's lack of enthusiasm in going home. Every damn thing was going to change. And in their eyes, it meant everything was going to change for the worst.

Talk about pessimism.

''I'll come and see you as often as I can. And when you start work we'll see each other every day.''

Jane just shrugged. She wasn't at all appeased. But before anything more on the matter could be said, the doctor walked in. He referred to his notes going through Jane's progression and advising her on how to take care of herself henceforth. He redressed the small wound on her head, which was almost completely healed and Jane covered it with her thick mane when he was all done.

''Your discharge papers will be brought in shortly, and I don't want to see you here again Miss Rizzoli,'' the doctor teased as he left the room. He knew the brunette despised being called 'Miss'.

As soon as the two were left alone, the awkwardness returned. Neither knew what to do with herself for a short while, before Jane started to study the few sheets of paper as if it was the most important piece of information she'd ever read.

''Guess I'm all set,'' she said needlessly.

''Guess you are,'' Maura echoed.

''I'll just change; I'll shower when I get home. God I can't wait to get into my own bathroom and take a nice long shower. That sucked,'' she said pointing to the bathroom in her room. Maura was eager to look towards that, out of fear of being caught in a dazed state. Jane had no idea what she had just done to Maura with those words. The blonde could easily picture a wet and soapy tanned woman with strong long limbs rubbing herself clean as dark hair cascaded down her back.

Clearing her thoughts she abruptly stood, ''I'll take everything downstairs with me and pull up by the entrance, yes?''

''Uhhhhh, sure,'' Jane said slightly confused by Maura's sudden rush. She watched as said woman picked up her bag, and Jane's.

''These are staying?'' she referred to the flowers she had just neatly sorted out.

''Please''

At least they both got a laugh out as Maura exited and Jane quickly changed. Angela had taken most of the stuff Jane had accumulated home the previous day. So it was just a few bits and bobs left.

Outside Maura took in several deep breaths to centre herself. Now was not the time to be swooning over Jane. To distract herself she thought about the twins. They were home waiting for their mother to return. Maura knew they were probably doing something over the top that would make Jane very uncomfortable. She thought about what she would do for Jane if she was in charge of everything. With the car parked close to the main door awaiting Jane, Maura's thoughts drifted.

If it was up to her, she'd take Jane home for that nice long shower she was dying for. After Jane was washed up, she'd order simple take away – her favourite, maybe a burger and fries or pizza. And they would sit on the couch and watch something relaxing until the detective was asleep. Because Maura had learnt that Jane sometimes longs for her peace. That on a day like today especially, Jane would be glad to just cuddle her daughters and do absolutely nothing.

But Jane's mother it seemed hadn't grasped that yet. As it was, the woman was probably home putting together an extravagant get-together and inviting Jane's friends and family to celebrate the occasion.

Maura shook her head and sighed. How she wished to be someone with input into Jane's life, someone with a say. As it was, she was sure she was far from that.

What she didn't know was that if she drove Jane over to her house in Beacon Hill, the detective would gladly relax there and tell everyone at her place she'd see them tomorrow.

Maura jerked her head up when she heard the knock on the window. It wasn't as loud as it seemed in actuality, but Maura was just too deep in thought that even a fly passing by would have been buzzing too loudly.

''Sorry,'' Maura quickly apologized as she unlocked the door for Jane.

When Jane settled in, she looked seriously to Maura, ''Thank you _so _much for everything Maura. I mean it. And I'm sorry about all that I said in there,'' she averted her eyes shyly. ''I didn't mean to sound clingy or what not''

''I hope you don't think that I'm not going to miss you Jane. I mean, spending all that time with you.'' Jane smiled. And Maura smiled back. ''There is a lot I have neglected to do over the past days, and it's all waiting for me. My divorce for one. So-''

''I understand Maura,'' Jane reassured, wishing for nothing more but to pull Maura in for a hug. But she couldn't. _She had never actually ever hugged Maura_, _she mused. _

And just like that they drove off towards home. And just as they expected, the house was full of activity.

* * *

**AN: Shout out to Natti for the push, she's a darling...xoxo**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer : I Don't own Rizzoli and Isles.**

* * *

Jane tenderly traced the five letters on the piece of paper in her hand. They had been written really hard so she could easily follow the pattern. She closed her eyes and pretended as if she was reading braille, **M…A…U…R…A**. Jane couldn't help but smile, remembering how Keira had enthusiastically recounted the first day the good doctor had been to their place so she had to write the name down because she had called her 'Maya'. Keira had blushed in embarrassment while Jane smiled in adoration.

Trying hard not to wake her daughter up, Jane pinned the paper back to the wall and tip toed out of the girls' room. She felt justified in crushing over Maura; her own daughters hardly knew what to do with themselves in her presence.

The brunette looked into the living room and sighed as she entered her bedroom. The house was too spotless for her liking. Maura and Angela had insisted on cleaning before leaving, and there was no way she was going to say no to that. But now she was sort of regretting it.

Getting everyone to leave had been harder than she anticipated. Apparently everyone was over joyed to see her and was in no hurry to leave. The guys had drunk themselves half to death and almost cracked the walls from yelling at the television while watching football. Angela was in her zone continuously serving food and mothering everyone around. The twins had been more than content to have their mother back and to be with their Maura and the rest of the family. The only person Jane could recall as having have had a hard time was Maura. The blonde had been more than uncomfortable the whole night. Jane was 100 per cent sure that if it hadn't been for Kie and Eva Maura would have left roughly thirty minutes after arriving at Jane's place.

She settled into bed feeling endlessly relieved that she was finally home. Her body protested at being tired and she was all too glad that she had a peaceful night ahead of her. She had been frightened that her mother would insist on spending the night. But much to her surprise, Angela had left with no argument at all. It felt almost like a prank, and that at any moment the woman would walk in and say, ''you didn't seriously think I'd leave you here alone all night long did you?''

Before succumbing to sleep, Jane reflected a little on the events of the past month. The man she had been after the day she got hit had escaped with no trace. The guys did all they could but came up blank. It had bothered for a while, how she had failed to catch him and how now he could have some girl locked up somewhere. But as it was there wasn't much that could be done. Jane was just immensely thankful that she was still alive with no complications and that her daughters were alright. If anything, the whole ordeal was a blessing in disguise. Now she had Maura, the woman she had fallen in love with a long time ago. Never had she imagined in a million years that anything could happen between her and Maura. But now, it was even better. Instead of jumping into bed with the sexy blonde as Jane had so often fantasized about, they were now actually building a relationship. It was friendship they were working on, sure, but what better foundation for a relationship could there be?

Jane was ecstatic. And reminded herself not to screw everything up with her stupid sarcasm and short temper. Maura deserved better.

And just like that she began wondering about Maura's divorce. Why were Maura and her wife splitting up? The blonde had said it had something to do with the twins, but not in the way Jane thought. That was a strange look at it, but Jane had been more than reluctant to ask over the past days they had been together. Many times she had wanted to ask Maura what happened, or to simply just ask about her wife. But she had caught her tongue each time. It felt too private, too personal. And though Maura appeared strong, she was fragile, and Jane wanted no part in hurting her or bringing miserable thoughts to her mind when Maura had been so happy throughout their time together.

...

Over in Beacon Hill, Maura came face to face with her wife as she entered the house some minutes before midnight.

''Sharon,'' she gasped, almost dropping the items in her hands to the ground.

''Sorry to frighten you,'' Sharon said, politely helping Maura with her bags. ''What's all this?''

''I didn't know you were coming here'' Maura was still at the door while Sharon walked towards the kitchen.

But the other woman stopped when she heard Maura's sentence. ''You didn't know I was coming _HERE! _This is my _home too _Maura''

''Of course, I didn't mean to-''

''I get it Maura, I do''

''What is it that you get?'' Maura finally followed her into the kitchen, placing the bags on the counter.

''What do you have here?'' Sharon asked, suddenly cheerfully, ignoring Maura's question completely.

''It's just a lot of left over's from Angela: lasagna, roasted meats and potatoes and the like'' Maura said nonchalantly waving her hand about.

''Oh, she had a party?''

''It was for Jane actually. She's out of hospital.'' Maura busied herself packing the food away into the fridge knowing an avalanche of questions would cover her soon.

When none were forth coming she turned, only to find Sharon a few inches away from her. ''Maura, look at me, please'' she begged when Maura turned her eyes to the ground.

Reluctantly, hazel eyes found tear filled ones. Sharon immediately closed the gap and gently pulled Maura to her by the waist. And before any words could be exchanged again, Sharon slowly leaned down for a kiss. There was no resistance from Maura, so she deepened the kiss, parting Maura's lips with her tongue and seeking entrance. Maura let her, and they kissed for a few seconds before Maura gently pulled away.

''This is really over isn't it?'' Sharon asked, still with Maura in her arms. ''It's ok sweetheart. You don't have to find excuses or spare me anything. That kiss said it all. It answered all my questions''

''Why didn't you just ask me then,'' Maura whispered.

''I know words can be hard for you. While you are very good at expressing yourself academically, the '_feelings'_ aspect is tricky.'' And Sharon smiled to let Maura know there were no hard feelings. ''But your actions always speak louder for you, and more honestly. You care for me, love me in fact. But you aren't in love with me anymore. And even though you like me, you don't wish to be with me any longer''

''I'm sorry''

''Don't apologize babe. I've been selfish. I saw that some time ago but I just didn't want to let you go. I thought maybe it would pass''

''It can't''

''I can see that now.'' And Sharon pulled her into what could only be described as a parting hug. They held onto each other for so long before finally pulling apart. ''Do you have feelings for Jane?''

''Sharon-''

''I'm just asking Maura. It's not like it changes anything between us at this point.'' Maura stayed quiet for a while, genuinely considering the answer to this question. ''Ok, don't answer that.'' Sharon moved away when Maura made no attempt to answer the question. ''Have you spoken to your attorney?''

''No''

''Not at all?'' Sharon was amazed. She figured that's the first thing Maura would have done after getting back to Boston.

''No. I've…'' Sharon raised her eyebrows eagerly awaiting Maura's answer. ''…been busy''

''I see. Anywho, that's why I came down, so we could discuss how to go about things and all''

''Of course,'' Maura followed Sharon into the living room where they both sat on the sofa.

''I suppose I'll move to Arizona permanently.'' She stated. ''I assume you're happily settled here''

''You assume correctly,'' Maura said feistily. She didn't wish for Sharon to start giving her a hard time when she was already so tired.

''I'm guessing we'll just both come out with what we came in with, yes''

''That's fair, and simple''

And just like that they went back and forth about all the details. The minor details and the major details. It didn't take long to have everything ironed out and all that was left was drawing up the mutual divorce papers and going their separate ways.

* * *

**"All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else."**  
**― Mae West, _Wit & Wisdom of Mae West_**


End file.
